11/21/05 in Victim of Society

It's amazing how brilliant the Indians were. Nowadays everyone is stupid. We get everything handed to us, everything is so easy compared to when Indians were around. We want a toothbrush....we go and buy one already made. The Indians had to find a certain part of the willow tree to clean their teeth. The certain part also had natural asperin in it how cool is that? Everything they had was from nature. They didn't have man made plastic. They preserved our earth and America came and ruined it all. I wonder how beautiful and blue their sky was compared to the sky I see above me. They made their own clothes, houses, entertainment, food and I bet they appreciated life alot more then us Americans do. They respected nature sooo much. To just stop and stare at a leaf, the never-ending flow of rivers, the beautiful sounds of nature, It feels like that is slowly dwindling as years go by and nobody respects nature and this earth anymore. I just wish I could make everyone in this world realize how important nature is. Without it we'd be no where. How can you give up so much of your time praising a god and not even do anything for this Earth? It just doesnt make sense and it makes me sick. This worl is a beautiful place but the people living here make it ugly.

Yesteray I went to the Botanic Gardens Acorn Festival and learned alot about how important nature was to the Indians and I wish everyone in this world would just realize how important nature still is. I walked all through the paths and found a quiet place with a bench to sit and write about all this. I kind of thought about it too much and started to cry. I felt a strong presence around me and I'm pretty sure it was my grandma. I just wish she was still here so I can talk to her about everything I;m going through. I know she would understand exactly how I feel. I wonder if a lot of people go through this. It feels like in just a day I realized Ive been looking at life all wrong. Finally I've realized teenager problems with their boyfriends and girlfriends are NOTHING. I feel like I've risen above myself. Now all I need is guidence and answers to the biggest questions like-why am I here? What am I to do with my life? I feel like there is a really big reason I am here I just haven't figured it out yet. Everything in my life that has happened, has happned for a reason. Every sign I've seen, every person I have met, every choice I decided to make ahs all happened for a reason. And now I have finally ralized this I am taking my first steps onto the path of figuring EVERYTHING OUT.

Last night I was getting so frustrated because my mom doesns't understand any of this. She thinks Im like crazy and need to be on my bi-polar medication again but she's wrong and I wish should can just understand. And her not understanding made me so frustrated I just wanted to talk to SOMEONE that knew exactly what I was talking about. Andrea is the closest person to understanding this all with me so I called her and we were talking about it and then randomly, Andrea's mom's boyfriend called and said he wanted to see my artwork and talk to me so I went over there and showed him my artwork and he is the first person who ACTUALLY understood it all and exactly what was going on inside my head and helped me with some answers to my questions and he doesn't think I'm crazy lol. So after talking to him and andrea I felt alot less frustrated. Tonight me and Andrea are going to go on a mission to Rancho Santa Margarita and the "crick" as my grandma used to call it. Hopefully we will get more signs and figure all this out. SOMETHING BIG IS SERIOUSLY GOING TO HAPPEN.