10/27/05 in Victim of Society

It's so weird how close me and Eddie have gotten this past few weeks. Who would have known, in the end me and him would be together? I never even thought of me being with Eddie back in the days when I was so obsessed with Craig, infatuated by Matt, going out with Steve yet wanting to fuck his brother Justin-LoL. But Eddie has always been the nicest. Stupid me always falling for the jerks. i wonder what's going to happen with me and Eddie. Will I stop liking him because he's not a challenge or will I grow comfortable with him and eventually fall in love? Oh I don't know and besides I don't want to even think about love right now. At least I don't have to worry about what's going to happen with our friendship after we have sex because we've both decided to wait until I turn 18 which is fine with me because I'm in no rush to have sex right now. It's not that big of a deal...

Anyways, yesterday stupid bitch Christiane just crossed me off the schedule and didn't even call to tell me. i hate her sooo much! Then she leaves this message saying she had it up there since last Friday-BULLSHIT! ughhhh....

Well last night around seven, my mom, andrea and I went to party city to get my costume. Im going to be dead for Halloween After that, Andrea went home and Eddie came over and helped me study for my economics test. Then we just layed on my bed talking for awhile and cuddling. Tomorrow, after the art show I;m going to carpool with him to that huge party. Then on Saturday, my parents are throwing this huge Halloween party and I invited my friends and of course Eddie. It's going to be so fun! I hope...

OMG.......Tonight at work was fucking insane.....Ok so it gets all super busy with this huge 30 large pizza order and I'm all in a pissy mood trying to open them all and then I hear someone go "Hellllo" And I turn around--There's fucking CRAIG. I seriously almost had a heart attack. It fucking sucks so much being so close to someone and then suddenly stop talking to them to the point when you see them you can't even look at them..But wait- It gets worse....later that evening MATT HADSELL walks in with Miki. At this point I just wanted to cry. Seeing Craig, ok whatever we both hate eachother now Im almost over it but MATT! UGH i dont think im ever going to be over the fact that me and him arent friends ne more. Cuz like I said, ive never been closer to ne one like i was with matt. I looked at him and then looked down quickly and he had this look on his face that wasnt hateful or ne thing...just sorta like "im sorry" and it really really made me want to cry. And what makes it worse was how fucking hot he looked and then remembering, wow i had him once and i got to hold him all the time and he made me feel special and all those things he said to me, leading me on making me believe he was going to break up with miki for me then to just turn around and go right back to her! and theyre STILL TOGETHER! WTF! he is so stupid. but i miss him so much. if only i can go back in time and fix everything. and everyday ill be depressed knowing i can never ever do that and me and him are never going to be close again and it JUST FUCKING KILLS ME.

All I can hope for is for eddie to make me feel like matt made me feel. Then maybe I'll be ok... but i dont think that will happen.