8/1/05 in Victim of Society

Well I have been thinking alot lately about CPK. Especially when I am at my new pizza job since that place sucks so much more then CPK. And since we never have anything to do, I have plenty of thinking time. I just miss the times where I didn't care about the money because I didn't really have anything I had to pay for. I actually enjoyed coming to work and hanging out with Matt and Jason because they were both insiders too. Fridays and Saturdays were super busy and we'd always end up messing up on a pizza and then eating it after it slowed down. Kyle, Eddie, Matt and I would hang out all the time and get drunk or stoned. We'd talk about anything, I had a huge crush on Matt, everything just seemed super fun. Matt's first show I went to. Meeting Craig and his girlfriend. Telling him how I wanted to be Amish. Him sending me that note to call him anytime I needed to talk. Andrea getting a job there. Going to Applebees with andrea, craig and justin for my birthday. Getting all close with Matt and going to my first rave with him. Getting in stupid fights with people there. Going to Kyles. to Eddies and even Matts. Going to lookout point with eddie matt and kyle. Having craig pick me up and go to look out point with him. Eddie asking me to kiss him. Going on the roof of CPK with Matt, Eddie, Kyle, Matt's dumb girlfriend Miki and her annoying friends. Matt inviting me to go swimming with him. Going to his show in San Bernadino and Hollywood. Me dating Justin's brother, Steve. Justin trying to kill me. That big night of me crying all night long with everyone at Matt's. Poker nights with Matt and Steve and my parents at my house. Them all getting me to start smoking. Kyle calling me telling me he saw my mom kissing some really young guy at the bar he was at. Giving Justin a back massage. Giving Eddie a back massage then him giving me one. So many more great times! Then everything turning to shit. Craig totally changing. Jason getting fired. Dan getting fired. Jake leaving. Frank leaving. Craig getting fired. Me quitting. Matt getting fired. Kyle leaving. Kyle MAKING me make out with him and trying to go down on me. Matt totally ignoring me. Me falling in love with Craig. Him making me cry a million times. Meeting all of Craig's friends. Getting drunk with all of them and crying. Craig totally changing. Turning all emo and selfish. Not giving a shit about me. Fucking me and then him too, totally ignoring me. Everything just happened so fast and I'm left wondering where it all went wrong. What the fuck happened? How could people that I felt so happy with and thought were my good friends and everything we had just fall apart like that. Going from having close bonds to having nothing at all. Like having earned a million dollars and having it all taken away from you and then having to start over and earn it all over again. That's what I have to do. "Pick up the peices and go home..." Start all over again with my life. Meet all new people and somehow try to forget about them. But how could I? They were my life and my good friends for a whole year. Now I'm supposed to act as though we had nothing. No close bonds. Zip-zero. And I hate it. Because I loved what we all had. We were the CPK gang. We were all so close. Now we are nothing and I sit there thinking about all this with a numb feeling. It makes me want to cry. Just knowing nothing will ever ever be like it used to be between all of us. CPK gang is dead