7/28/05: The overdose in Victim of Society

Well last Monday night, although I'm not sure if it was really Monday because part of me believes it was Thursday for some reason, but any ways..one of those days I went to Andrea's grandparents because they were out of town and her, Margot and I had the whole huge house to our selves. I was so excited because I could finally take my E pill I had been saving forever. Matt had told me "Only take one half first then wait an hour before you take the other half" Andrea had one too and she told me she was going to take it so I was all siked that me and her were gonna be all E-ed out and have the time of our life like that night with me and Matt. When I took the first half I didn't feel anything so I said fuck it Im taking the other half, about 30 minutes later. After awhile I remember not being able to pee and feeling as though my bladder was about to explode. I had dranken ATON of water and I still wasn't able to pee. So I started having a nervous breakdown apparently. Andrea and Margot kept telling me it was ok and normal but I wasn't buying it. This didn't happen to me last time. I don't really remember anything after that besides going outside to watch the moon and look at the little fan light thingys I had that glowed and changed colors. Then Andrea told me Matt and Colton had come over and were taking care of me for awhile. Matt said I was fine and left awhile later and then I fell asleep. After I woke up I had this high fever and was swelling up and turning blue. Andrea and Margot through me in the bathtub and then later decided to take me to the hospital because if I didn't go, I was probably going to die. When I got down there I guess they told the doctors and stuff that I had taken E and they hooked me up to all these tubes. Then Margot had to call my parents and they rushed down to the hospital and started crying. Alot of my family and friends came down to visit me and they cried and were worried sick. I guess no one really thought I was going to make it but they kept praying and stuff. They said for sure I'd probably have brain damage because my fever was soo high. I was out for about 3 days in a coma and I finally woke up and was talking really slow and dumb like and they were scared I was going to stay that way for awhile. I started feeling better on Sunday and was released. They said I don't have any major brain damage but I feel alot different and I know I'm kinda a bit slower. Also my vision is all weird-like now and I had to buy some glasses. My short term memory is pretty bad and I have sinucitus. I never thought taking just one Ecstacy pill would make me OD! I know people that take like 8 and are fine. Now I am extremely pissed that the one thing that made me so happy was taken away and my parents don't trust me, I have to take drug tests, see a counselor. My whole family thought it was a suicide attempt. They all know I'm bipolor and have been all super close with me all of a sudden. It's just sad it took something like this to make them come around. I found out who my true friends are and this whole time Matt has not even tried to contact me. Wow looks like he really was a great friend---not. Craig IMed me right when I got back home and seemed concerned about me but for some reason I was really pissed off at him for not talking to me this WHOLE time after we had sex until finally I end up in the hospital then it was like "Oh natalie i heard what happened are u ok?" Like yea thanks....jerk-ass. So then I told him I had to go to counseling because of him and all this stuff cuz i was just really in a bad mood and not even being myself and he got super pissed and said it wasnt his fault i decided to take the pill and i was like thats not what im talking about its cuz i like u too much and then shortly afterwards Justin texts me saying all this shit about how could i blame matt craig and andrea for me taking the pill and i was just getting soooo much more pissed cuz thats not what i was going to counseling for because of craig! and he knows nothing that went on between us so he needs to just shut the fuck up and stay out of my life. All the CPK guys do ..well besides that one guy with the blonde hair DAMMIT i cant remember his name, jasons friend....and then of course eddie. I was so happy eddie called me last night cuz i left him this message like crying asking why he wouldnt call me back and stuff haha. So 10 min later he called and was like noo natalie im not mad at u ive just been busy and stuff and i told him to promise me to call me when he wasnt busy so he better! i havent seen him in so long i miss him. Yea well anyways on a better note...I GOT A JOB! its at aloha pizza co. I had an interview today and the guy said i was hired and could prob be a driver! yay! BUT i cant let my parents know and i have to somehow find my drivers insurance so i can make a copy without asking them or else they will get suspicious. haha. But im scared i mite have to work at the azusa one some times and that one is a bad neighborhood i wouldnt want to deliver there...so i think if i do have to work there some days ill tell them i can only be an insider there. well andreas here got to go journal