Well today I had my psychiatrist appointment. I talked to the doctor and she told me that I'm bi-polar. I was kinda scared at first but then it all started to make sense as she explained it. Bi-polar people have ups and downs. Manic. Depression. One day they can be super hyper and happy and the next they can be super depressed. I remembered times at work when I would be super hyper and full of energy and just smiling and cleaning and doing my job super fast and everyone would be like "wow natalie why are u so happy today?" and I just would blame it on the caffiene pills or the Red Bull. But then the next day I'd be all sad again even with the caffiene. I thought I just had really good days then really bad days. But then I realized it would all happen randomly. It's not a bad case of bi-polar its just the first level and they gave me medicine for it but I don't want to take it yet. I want to wait until after me and Andrea take our own little medicine at honey n da's house because I can't do that stuff anymore after I start on these pills because it's a good chance I'd die. They also told me that when bi-polar people drink it affects them alot worse which makes sense now why I act so much more emotional and fucked up than my friends do when they drink. I don't want to drink anyways, the occasional one beer is my limit from now on if even that.
Well I rented the movie Closer because scotti said it was a good movie and she was right. It was about this young girl who fell in love with this older guy and they got together but only because she needed him and he felt sorry for her. Then he fell in lover with an older women his age and left the girl and the girl told him "No one will ever love you like I do." And I totally knew what she meant. But in the end the older women married a doctor and the guy went back to the girl and things seemed ok. But then the girl told him she didn't love him anymore. Then he slapped her and she left. At the very end of the movie she goes back to New York and you see on her passport that her name is Rachel and she lied to the guy the whole time pretending to be a girl named Alice. It was a great movie and I kept playing it back at the scene where she tells him no one will ever love him like she does. Then I rented some more movies called "manic" which was about some insane teenagers its pretty good i havent finished it yet though. I also rented "wasted" and "american beauty" which ill probably watch tonight since all my friends are with their "boyfriends/girlfriends/ex's".
Oh yea I finally finished memorizing that scene from Beowulf and I got an A on my test My teacher thinks I should be a writer and major in English. I'd love to be a writer way more then a teacher but I just don't think I have what it takes...
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