I guess my OD name is hypocritical because I sure didn't think twice last night.
It all started with me going over to Gen's house. Amanda, Jacklin, and Alison were there too and we were all getting ready to leave for the party. I had no clue what to expect of this party but all I knew is that the guy who was having it was really nice and it only cost 2 bucks to get in and there was aton of free beer. So at around 8 we go over there and hand them our money and they mark an X on our hand. Then we look over and see all these preppy strap-ons from there lil group D2P or watever. Why the fuck are they always at every party anyways? So me and Alison grab a budweiser and start drinkin. She finished hers and was on her second and I told her hell no u arent gonna out drink me! so we kept on drinking and drinking and chugging down the beers and I knew I was pretty buzzed. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around and it was my cousins ex girl friend who is really good friends with my dad and my cousin and shit! So I was like FUCK then she was like "holy fuck natalie i am going to pretend i did not see u chug down those beers" and i was like "fuck dont tell my family or anything" and she was like "dont worry i wont"
Then I lost gen and all of them and the rest is kinda fuzzy i dont remember how i met him. I remember the cops coming and me and Keith hoping over the fence and me falling on my ass. Then he helped me up and everyone was running and shit to there cars. Then he told me to come with him and his friends but I knew I couldnt. Then finally I found Gen and all of them and they told me we had to leave RITE NOW so I kissed Keith good bye and we ran over to jacklins brothers car and we drove around. I dont remember where we went or ne thing but i remember linkin park was playing in the car and then sum rap stuff and i kept on dancing. At this time it was about midnite or sumthing and then we went back to Jasons house (the guy who was having the party) And Keith was there. The cops were gone but we had to all go inside so in case they strolled by again. Keith and me started hooking up and went into Jasons room where everyone was. Slowly they all left the room one by one and told Keith to use a condom. We were alone in this dark room and so I just had to. I started undoing his pants and .......ugh and.. u know ..gave him head..then he started fingering me ...then it was like full on sex. All I remember is it hurting like a bitch. And he kept kissing my neck. I dont know how long we were in there but after awhile sumone opened the door and we got up and went into sum other room with everyone. We all started drinking again and I dont remember what else happened after that but finally I was at Gens house and the drunkness was going away and I was just a lil buzzed and Alison Amanda Gen and Jacklin were asking me a bunch of questions. At first I didnt really realize what the fuck I did. I told them everything I could remember and Alison was like well u have had sex before so it doesnt hurt huh? And I was like what? Ive never had sex before. And she was like daniel said u guys slept together. ughhh wtf! That pissed me off cuz we sure as fuck never slept together. Well any ways when I woke up this morning I was hurting bad not just physically but emotionally too. Idk i just feel like crying now. Im like soo embarrased too. What if people are talking about it at skool? How do I act when I see him on Monday at skool? Why the fuk would i do that. Idk if i should be feeling ashamed and stuff. I dont want ppl to think im a slut. I dont know what to do. who to talk to it about. I didnt even want to put it in this diary but i had to just type it all out. I just want to forget about it. I dont want anyone to think im a slut. Im scared my friends will be mad at me. fuck
Loading comments...