Invisible Man in The Truth (As I Know It)

  • May 21, 2018, 12:23 a.m.
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  • Public

So many of my days are spent feeling ghost-like. Am I real? Is reality real? Am I really here? I feel like a visitor from some other plane of existence- an incorporeal wraith drifting thru the material world. It’s not exactly a feeling of pain (although I have had YEARS worth of searing emotional pain throughout my life)- it’s more a feeling of LACKING something. Something essential that most other people have, and that I don’t. I’m both empty and opaque. There’s no THERE there. I feel like if someone reached out to touch me they would grasp nothing but air. I lack Gravitas. I lack permanence. I feel like I’m living in a weaker gravitational field than the rest of the world, and that one day I’m going to just spin off the Earth and into the nothingness of deep space. Somewhere along the line I made the decision ,whether consciously or otherwise, to uncouple from life, and with that choice came a loss of solidity. And it occurred to me today that I may be too far gone to ever become a person of substance. That I’m going to spend my life like a piece of driftwood washed ashore by the tides-unseen and unnoticed. I don’t know how to be a real person.

plastique May 21, 2018

You don't have to know how to be a real person - you already are. Your mind and your thoughts are what matters, because that's what builds who you are. Do you have an opinion about something? Do you appreciate someone? Does someone appreciate you? When you witness something sweet, does your heart smile? Have you experienced pain, worry, pleasure, joy? Do you treasure your memories? Do you care? There, you are a real person of substance.
Yes, we are merely floating through this life, and will all eventuate in nothingness, and nothing will matter... But for now, you matter.

Redefine22 plastique ⋅ May 22, 2018

Thank you for your comment. I sometimes get lost deep in my own head and start wrestling with some heavy-duty existential angst. Thanks for reminding me to climb back out of the hole I get myself in- appreciate it.

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