ma16 in idea barrages

1.) You know how sometimes failing bands will come up with a “sequel” song to the narrative of their big hit? What about a prequel song? How about a new summer anthem called WHO LOCKED THE DOGS IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?

2.) Before you could go on the Love Boat, did you have to go on the Like Boat for a few months first so as to not seem creepily moving too fast?

3.) It’s a good thing I don’t run a company because it would be so difficult to not, pretty much every day, send a memo to the information technology department that said “I.T. PHONE HOME”. Oh man. I’d wanna do it every hour.

4.) This is the age where you think “low-sodium V-8 on ice, what a treat!” I am warning you, younger than me, if you’re lucky enough to get here, this is where you end up.

5.) Most of why her line of bath oils failed came down to the marketing and how clever she thought her portmanteau name for the product was. “Boils!” Selling Boils proved difficult, it was far less effective than, say, Bennifer.

6.) When one ghost drops out of a relationship with another ghost without any announcement or follow-up, would you say she got human-ed?

7.) We use the tools we have at hand, y’know, when I was a boy I had for coping mechanisms, writing and crushing on smart women, to this day, it’s still what works so I do continue.

8.) Your cherry soda that can stay shelf-stable for fifty years at a clip will be called “Dr. Prepper” and, somehow, it’ll be slightly more terrible than Dr. Pepper.