TW/CN: Sexual Assault mention, abuse conversation
How am I going to get over this?
Let’s say, me and MJ do get to a good place again. The type of place we were. Right? Video calling again and being a couple. What if she posts something? Am I going to be that way? I can’t be this way.
The other part of me is telling me:
You won’t because if that happens, if its her or someone else, they should be letting you know that its okay. They will reassure you which is something you really need or else this shit happens..
I remember when I was younger, this was the main thing that drove people crazy after my five year engagement to the woman who hurt me the most. I don’t even care if she reads this. Chances are she won’t. She never really cared much about me.
Thanks to her and countless others. the ex who raped me is the same ex who cheated on me with so many guys. I had to get testing for that cause I was convinced she gave me something. Then there was the next ex who also cheated on me. The next girl, she cheated too. My fiance? Cheated on me. Verbally abusive. I know I wasn’t easy but can you blame me?
None of the women I dated were good for me.
Each one didn’t understand me and each one came with their own toxicity. We poisoned each other.
I was alone for six years before dating NR late last year, early this year. We broke up back in Jan. NR was borderline abusive. That was the longest hook up I had ever had. Nothing was ever emotional with her. She also stole my things.
Now, here I am. The woman of my dreams, love of my damn life…
How can I handle her with care if I can’t even handle myself with care?
I guess now that I am in reflection about this I can learn how to deal with it. Gods, I hope so.
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