we already knew in 2018

10:18pm

He didn’t show.

I know, I know we’re not surprised.
And damnit I know I said I wasn’t getting my hopes up but ugh I lied alright!!! I couldn’t help myself. It just seemed like it was going to work out in some crazy way. Stupid I know. I freaken know everything.

I’m just easy to fool. I’m gullible. I still think people say what they mean even though I seriously should have learned my lesson last year. I keep saying I’m going to move on from this. I say I’m not going to get attached. I say I’m smarter now. I’m not naive anymore.

But who the hell am I kidding? Clearly only myself because I am still all of those things. I still feel all of those things.

So whatever. No message and no show up. He’ll have a great excuse if he ever gets in touch.

I’m over it. I don’t need a response. It’s probably better if I don’t get one so I don’t get all attached again.

I freaken knew it wasn’t anything. It won’t be anything. But damn I wanted it to mean something. I have no idea why. I don’t understand any of it. I guess I’m not supposed to understand. It’s just hard to let go of.

I don’t meet people like that. I don’t get along with people that way. I shouldn’t have crossed that line, I know, but it felt so nice.

I’ll do better next time. I swear I’ll do better.

rose.
10:38pm