um. i don't know. well great now i feel stupid. in 2017. got it.

from the 23rd. [again.].:

‘ so. i’ve been coming out to people. and.........i’ve been rushing it. and i knew i shouldn’t’ve but i did it anyway and great now i feel stupid. damnit.

um but. the reason i have been. is bc. so that i can start to be ok w/ this. cause yeah my sexuality is ‘this’ right now it’s apparently a pronoun. yeah i do care what people think of me when it comes to that. some people don’t some people wouldn’t and that’s fine. but that’s just not me. i deal w/ my problems by talking to people. [also by blogging........and doing other things. like well dr*nking. um.].

i don’t like biphobia. i don’t like that it’s a thing and i also don’t like that it exists. a lot of people want um. people who are ‘this’ want someone to make up their mind. well we won’t. so at least be open minded about it. [sure ok yeah i’m not the most open minded person either. but i am when it comes to sexuality mine or others.]. i..........i just wow. that’s like saying there’s something wrong w/ someone bc of their sexuality. well the same could be said about reese’s. chocolate. i already feel bad. don’t be a jerk.

i told him bc. well he’s Pat’s brother and i kindof. er owe it to Pat in a way. his brother and his mom are 2 of the remaining ties i have to him. and well. i can’t entirely trust her. not her fault and not cause of anything she’s done or well hasn’t done. but bc i asked her about it one day and turns out. due to her confidentiality policy i can’t entirely trust her. so. there’s that. him I can trust the brother. even though apparently he’s a bit of a jerk about things.

it says nothing about her as a person. she’s a lovely woman though just can’t. yeah. as said.

actually there are about 4 guys i can completely trust. one of whom i don’t talk to that regularly. and that’s evan.

biphobia is like. it’s like saying. the person who’s on both sides is somehow incomplete bc. of the fact that they are. wouldn’t someone who is be more complete? like.........

it’s like.......it’s like i was being dismissed bc of my sexuality. it’s like. ‘oh we don’t want you now that we know you’re bisexual. now that you can’t pick a side’. oh but you wanted me before? so knowing about my sexuality is the only thing that changes that. um. wow...........god that. that doesn’t feel good.

what’s the problem w/ being indecisive? and again. i’m not choosing this. my sexuality isn’t a church that i can suddenly change whenever i want to. in the words of mary lambert. no. i can’t change. even if i wanted to. oh...........oh i get it.

i’m pretty sure. that i’m not confused about my sexuality. i know what it is. it’s not am i lesbian or am i straight. no it’s both. it’s not one over the other. it’s not an either or kindof thing.

a straight person loves a straight person. and that’s ok. same w/ a lesbian. or a gay person. that’s ok too. there’s not just one way to love and there’s not just one kindof love either. the greeks actually have 4 different kinds of love. just bc it’s not his kindof love doesn’t mean it’s wrong. but apparently according to him it is.

um. wow.

yeah. i actually exist as a bisexual person. i’m not ok w/ it and it’s not all i am but yeah. just like. i actually exist as someone w/ depression. so. here i am.

maybe he hasn’t met a bisexual person i don’t know. not that that makes biphobia ok. since obviously. i’ve never met. i don’t know someone w/ albinism but i know they exist. i might be uncomfortable upon meeting one and maybe a bit confused and not sure how to act.............but other then that i’d probably be ok. once i got used to things.

yeah cause i’m an accepting person. usually.

no it is it is destructive. it’s a destructive force.

it’s like.............

i’m not wanted. um. wow. ............. ‘