Gymnastics in The ugly truth about making babies

I had such a lovely evening yesterday. We have had such amazing support from our families throughout the whole IVF process that I thought it would be nice to get to bring our mums and sisters to a scan.

As soon as I mentioned it they all jumped at the chance so I booked a scan for last night that I could bring them to. We went for a pub tea first, and all sat chatting about life and work and dogs and babies and it was wonderful. My mother and good sister in law were actually away on a caravan break and drove an hour each way to come to the appointment which was amazing, and they were so excited. I’m still having trouble with bad sister in law, again that is an entry in itself that I will definitely get round to writing soon.

After our tea we went across to the scan place. I knew they were trained sonographers, but as we were chatting the woman who scanned me told me she might see us again as she actually works at our local hospital too! As with our 12 week scan our little butterbean was misbehaving, showing off their gymnastics skills and doing actual somersaults! I always have massive anxiety before I get scanned in case anything has gone wrong since the last time we saw bubs, and then feel massive relief as soon as the baby appears on the screen.

It still amazes me that those pictures are of our baby. The little one on the screen doing somersaults and putting their hands in front of their face as if to say - I’ve been stared at enough haven’t I?! That’s our baby, inside me, being a little independent spirit already and not cooperating in the slightest. It was so special to be able to share that with our families. The NHS scans are wonderful, and reassuring, but only me and Joey are allowed to attend so everyone else sits at home looking at their phones waiting to see if things have gone well and waiting for photos to see what the baby looks like this time.

I’m 17 weeks on Saturday and it now feels like it’s moving a bit more quickly and I feel much more confident in this pregnancy. I’ve felt little movements for the last week or so now, it feels like little bubbles popping inside me. I know they say first time mothers often think it’s gas or their stomach but honestly as soon as I felt it for the first time it was so unlike anything I’d ever felt before I couldn’t have mistaken it for anything else. I think that definitely makes things feel a bit more real. I wouldn’t say I’ve felt detached from the pregnancy, I’m definitely thrilled that I’m pregnant. I think some of it has been a little bit of self preservation, when you become part of the world of ttc and infertility, you hear a lot of amazing stories, but also a lot of sad stories of loss at all stages of pregnancy and it’s hard not to be a little bit cautious.

We did get to hear baby’s heartbeat for the first time too last night, which was just amazing, although I did feel guilty that Joey still hasn’t heard the heartbeat yet. They wouldn’t play it at our 7 week scan as we were in the early pregnancy unit, then she said at our 12 week scan that they literally just check there is a heartbeat but don’t measure it. I hope we’ll both get to hear it at our 20 week scan at the end of May.

I see my midwife again tomorrow, I have no idea what the appointment entails. I’m wondering if she might listen in with a Doppler. I need to remember to ask her whether I need to see my IVF consultant, I’m almost certain she said I would have an appointment with him at some point but can’t remember if I imagined it. I also need to ask her about flying, we have a trip away booked for just after our 20 week scan, just a 2 hour flight, and just 4 nights away. I checked the airline policies and they said I’m free to fly without a note up until I’m 25 weeks. We’re just off to Wroclaw for a short break, Joey works in a school so we literally picked the place with the cheapest flights for the days we wanted to be away.

It’s insane to think the next time we get away we’ll have a baby with us. I went to mothercare with my Mum the other day and had a little push of the prams. It’s honestly so overwhelmingly emotional. We didn’t know if IVF would work, we didn’t know if we’d ever have a baby, to now be shopping for our baby, to be in these shops buying things for our child when I’ve spent so many years crying over baby clothes I’ve bought for countless friends, wondering if I’d ever have my own child, I can’t even describe the emotion I’ve felt lately.

I feel like I’m now able to enjoy it, now I don’t feel worried sick that something will go wrong every minute of the day, and now that I don’t spend half the day feeling sick as a dog. I still feel tired a lot, and I’m having problems with my hip and back already - a preexisting thing made worse by the relaxing of ligaments that happens in pregnancy. I’m seeing a wonderful physio who just happens to also be pregnant. I have my yoga ball and I’m doing my exercises. I’m managing to work but it is tough going, sciatica and hip/back pain are no fun when you work 13 hour days. I have the option of going off sick if I need to but honestly I know if I’m off sick when I hit 30 weeks they just start my maternity leave and I massively miss out after the baby is here so I’m reluctant to take time off if I can help it.

Mostly, the second trimester has been much kinder to me and I’m feeing much more like myself. I’m still a fan of a nap if I can squeeze one in in the afternoon but otherwise I’m feeling good at the moment!

Xx