I DID IT! I DID IT! - 2-09-2006 in The "C" Word

I JOINED AN ON-LINE SUPPORT GROUP!

I was debating on whether or not to join something like that. I kinda didnt feel as if I belonged to a cancer support group. I sometimes feel like because I have not gone through chemo or radiation and because my tumor was not malignant and my life was not in immediate danger, I dont qualify for support.

Well there was a link on the Rosewell Park Cancer Institute web site and I decided to click on it. Its a new support group and I was welcomed with open arms. I was nervous at first but I am so glad I clicked on that link.

I have been going through a lot of different emotions lately. I have been reading up on Desmoid Tumors. I have been reading on several web groups about other people who have had the very same thing. I found out that even thought I have found a handful of people with the same tumor it only hit about 1 in 1 million people. I can believe it considering that out of all the people I have read about there were only a couple on each site. The thing I did NOT expect to read, was with every one of the people that had the same thing as me, the tumor came back. EVEN WITH NEGATIVE MARGINS!!! That scares me. Some people have gone through numerous surgeries. I cant imagine going through this again. You can bet I am going to have a list of questions for my Doctor when I go back to see him on the 21st.

Sooo... although my tumor is NOT malignant it is still cancer and I still go through the same emotions as other cancer patients. I have my good days. I have my bad days. I have days I want to cry and days I want to laugh. Days that I wonder WHY ME??? And days that I am just so grateful that I am alive. And even though I have all my friends here, sometimes its hard to explain my feelings and have them understood... I mean REALLY UNDERSTOOD unless you have been there or have been a caregiver for someone who has.

Now Im not saying that you guys are not concerned or do not care. I know better. But I needed a place to go where people can say... I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. So I think this group is going to help me in some way.

Oh and I got a new toy coming in the mail... Heh heh heh!

More info probably tomorrow!

Bwhahahahahahah!!!!!!