If I Lay Here... in Just Moments

~I keep hearing the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.. now this isn’t a bad song, I actually quite like it, but when the song came out 12ish year ago or when it got popular in the US, my boyfriend at the time decided to make that “our” song. I was 15 at the time and that’s what we did. He also knew how much music meant to me and wanted to make it special. And it was. But now every time I hear it I think of him. The bad thing about this whole scenario is that we’ve kinda dated on and off the past 12 years from time to time. He got married in there and has a couple kids, but I always let him come back into my life when I should have just left him out of it. I don’t regret it as he knew a lot about me and I could share things with him without being judged and he understood where I was coming from, but he ended up hurting me every time. I haven’t seen or really talked to him since last August when I finally decided that I had to let him go. I had to break free from the cycle. He made it clear that he didn’t want to be with me. He loves me just not in that way. I think I meant a lot to him too over the years which helps but in the end I can’t keep going back and doing things that just tear me apart. I just can’t.

~In other words something is going on at work… I was pretty sure we were getting sold for a while, but now I’m not so sure. I should find out sometime next week as I’m going to be responsible for helping get communication out about whatever is going on. I also will be the person fielding the questions and concerns from the employees so it’s kinda important that I know whats going on. I just always get worried as I’ve lost my job before and don’t really want to go through that again. I’m also moving out of my apartment at the end of next month and haven’t yet found a permanent home. Unfortunately condos in the area I want to live turn over within days so there currently isn’t a lot listed. Luckily my parents are ok with me living with them for a little while, I just don’t want it to be too long. It will be nice to save some extra money for the down payment but I also have to deal with living with other people and the questions about where I’m going when will I be home who I’m with… etc. Not that I’m ashamed of any of those questions and my parents already know anyone I would be hanging out with, it’s just been a while since I’ve had to tell anyone what I’m doing. But there is a silver lining, my mother is a wonderful cook and I’ll definitely be eating a lot better than I do now!

<3

Last updated April 21, 2018