1st Date in My Fucking Feelings

  • April 16, 2018, 2:13 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

I made a mistake.
I let myself hope.
I forced myself to dream.
I saw a life with a guy like you.
In the woods, laughing having fun.
The dog, the kids, the adventure.
I let myself get comfortable in your arms.
I let myself laugh and be okay for once.
I let myself have fun.
But then it really hit me.
I’m not your one.
It was a great night.
I wouldn’t trade it.
So happy you shared it with me.
But you are going home to a beautiful girl.
And I’m going home to remember to be lonely.

I had a great time.
I feel great too.
I’d love to so it again.
But in the back of my mind,
I know I don’t deserve this.

All night long I pushed the feelings away.
I stopped listening to what he may have to say.
I stopped dreaming you were him.
I stopped trying to fight it.
That’s where I went wrong.
Don’t be sorry.
I love the quiet.
But you let me taste something
I can never have.
Isn’t that just my life?
Isn’t it a drag.
Maybe my career
Is all I’ll ever have.

I should give up dreams,
Of being a silly housewife.
Of being protected.
Of feeling just right
I should give up dreams of never being alone.
Of being undedstood,
Kneeling at a man’s throne.
I should give up hope
For passion and children
I should just stop dreaming
And give it all in.

Be the doctor I was built for
No worry of family.
I should give up.
But I can’t
Because the coincidence still haunts me…

Summer camp,
An answered prayer.
All the right moments,
But why should I care?
I can’t seek you.
Can’t even spend a day.
Why keep dreaming
And wasting my life away.

I can’t help it golden dime.
I’ve dreamed of you so long
And missed every chance.
Why can’t time rewind?

I love you still
With all my heart.
I fight it so hard
But I have to be smart.
It makes no sense
To wait for you.
I’d be waiting forever
Counting how do you do’s.

I miss you love
But it’s not to be
I guess I’ll have to
Learn to love me.

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