Why do I listen? in The View from the Terrace

  • April 12, 2018, 8:43 p.m.
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  • Public

I went to a branch meeting for my voluntary job yesterday evening. I drove there and back by myself. It’s the first time I’ve driven alone after dark for months. For just over a year I have been finding night driving very difficult. When I went to the optician last autumn she told me that I have the beginnings of cataracts and they could be affecting my night vision. They made me some new glasses with anti glare lenses but I was still finding it hard, and had become resigned to adjusting my life around this new disability.

Then, recently, Tony borrowed our car to pick up some things he needed to repair his, because ours is an estate and there is more room. When he got back he asked Hubby how on earth he drove it with those lights. I told Hubby I thought there was something wrong with the lights last year but he assured me they were fine so I thought it was my eyesight and he agreed that it must be. Hubby also told Tony that the lights were fine but he didn’t listen: he said that was a lot of rubbish and they were awful. I don’t know why I let Hubby persuade me of things that are not true. He always does it but why do I believe him? All of the children learned to be very wary of what he says years ago.

There was a time when we were in France and Hubby got us onto the wrong bus. He assured me that it had the name of our destination on the front and, though I thought it had said something else, I believed him, as I had only caught a glimpse. Well it did go to our destination but didn’t stop there. It was an express bus and it took us 12 kilometers out of our way in spite of us and another passenger pleading with the driver to stop and let us off. Fortunately we were rescued by a lovely young French couple who drove us back to our holiday site. Perhaps they saw us as 2 elderly holidaymakers in distress and felt they should help. I’ll never forget their kindness.

The thing is though, why did I listen to him when I thought he had the wrong bus. I could have asked someone on the bus before it left, but he has a way of confidently assuring you and convincing you. After that I swore I would never listen to him again, but I did, and I have been avoiding evening duties at my voluntary job for over a year when it was the car not me. Well, about 80% the car, my eyes have deteriorated a little, but I could do without being made to feel they are worse than they are. When I got home Hubby came out and said, ‘Well done.’ which I suppose was meant as praise but I found it patronising. He was acting like I had overcome a fear rather than discovered that he had given me false information and finally got the lights on the car fixed. He likes to be in control and has a way of undermining my confidence and making me dependant on him.

I felt so good after discovering that I can still drive to town and back on my own after dark. I am not going to listen to him in future.

Marg April 13, 2018

That must be very frustrating and so annoying that you've missed out on your Samaritans work because of it. I can see how he could use it though if he likes to feel in control all the time😕

Sabrina-Belle Marg ⋅ April 13, 2018

I haven't missed many duties, most times I managed to do one in the daytime. I don't think he deliberately controls me, he has this inner need and does it subconsciously.

Marg Sabrina-Belle ⋅ April 13, 2018

Oh that's not so bad then😊

edna million April 17, 2018

I'm glad your eyes are not as bad as you feared, but how frustrating. My husband has a tendency to think he's always right, which drives me nuts- but he will reconsider at least, when presented with evidence. My best friend has another friend like that as well, and she is always always ALWAYS right, no matter how wrong she is in reality!

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