Breathing Room in Musings

I’m beginning to feel like I can breathe a little bit again. The past year or so has been a rollercoaster and a swirl of emotions. I didn’t fully understand how weighed down by all of it I’ve been until I finally allowed myself to let go. I’m beginning to find myself - find my voice. It’s a different voice than it was in the past, but I think it’s a more authentic one. My long-distance relationship with babygirl has tested me and forced me to begin to be true to myself. To allow long dormant wants and needs to start to express themselves. And by allowing those dominant desires to be heard, I think I have a chance to unlock other things within myself. The swirl in my head is very slowly being replaced by a nascent calmness and steadiness. I really feel a change the last few days particularly. Being called out by babygirl forced me to accept who I am and what this thing is between us. I truly hope she is ready for what comes next- her submissiveness and loyalty and obedience to me have unlocked a door. A door that I hope leads to the essential me- a more primal, instinctual me. A me that can inhale deeply and take in the world without over-thinking and analyzing everything to death. DOING. BEING. ALIVE.

Last updated April 07, 2018