8:53 AM, Tuesday, March 20, 2018 in Journal entries

8:53 AM, Tuesday, March 20, 2018
I don’t know what I am feeling right now, sadness, anger, yes mostly those two. I don’t know the truth, I don’t know what’s wrong or what’s right Lord, I really don’t know anything. Please Lord remove the obsession from my mind of Tim, and the breakup, whatever happened last night, it’s still going around and around in my mind, and I really don’t want this to continue. Yes, I do not like feeling, but I am simply unwilling to do any of the alternatives, drinking, using, over eating, cutting myself, or slipping into depression, prostitution or worse than any of that, going against you Lord. Each of those I just listed, all lead to the same destination for me, death, no way around it, each one has its own way of leading to all the others and like I said last night, this is not just about a relationship, this is my life. My entire life, and I am not willing to let go of my relationship with you Lord, myself, anything to hold onto the hope that this is the right man for my life, that its worse to be alone or single, because I’m never alone, and that this is the one I’m meant to be with. How many times have I thought that exact thing? Yes, too many times to count and I’m not going to drift into the past to pull out all the times vie truly thought that.
I keep getting the feeling, or push to ask my brother if he wants to go to the movies or lunch on Saturday, something, to hang out with me. But I’m nervous, don’t know what he will say but when I work up my courage I will ask him.
Thank you Lord, for this day and this life you have given me, blessed me with. I don’t know the future, I only know what is happening right now, but I trust you Lord, that you have a plan, and your plan is greater than anything I could come up with in my mind. I love you Lord and I put my life in your hands, I put my trust in you.
Love,
Brittany