I still get jealous in Current Events
- March 14, 2018, 9:36 a.m.
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- Public
I woke up feeling pretty bummed out. My mind is comparing myself to the success of others and it is making me jealous. There is a young woman in my city I follow on Instagram, she bought a beautiful loft that she turned into a studio for her photography. She gets to work with the people that she loves most and she used to inspire me until my mind decided that I hate her for having mommy and daddy money to get her that head start. There is a guy I also follow on Instagram who takes photos of my city and he is pretty successful with that. He just left for Europe for a eurotrip. He is doing everything I ever wanted right now. I was happy for him until my mind hated him for having “straight, white male privilege”. Honestly I don’t know these kids and I am happy for their success and I have been so good at not letting my depression win and make me feel so small in comparison to others. My mother worked her ass off so I can have the start that I do have in my life that I am wasting. I think I am just feeling that I have lost some of the momentum that I started at the beginning of the year.
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My next entry I will write down everything I want in my life in the next couple years. I haven’t thrown it out into universe yet. Maybe it is time I do so.
Nemoquenihil ⋅ March 14, 2018
I'm constantly angry at other people for having it better than me. I didnt' get a great start at life and now at 36 i'm finally getting my shit together. It's been a long hard road. I stopped thinking about what others 'have' that I don't or that they are doing that i can't/couldn't. It's not fair to me and I feel like it's the quickest way to pull myself (back) into depression. Keep up the good fight, focus on you and what you want. Fuck the people and their damn privileges. You earned whatever you get, not having it handed to you.
TL Nemoquenihil ⋅ March 15, 2018
My mantra “There is no shortcut to a dream”