seeping into me a little each day in Torridaussity Two
- March 3, 2018, 10:21 p.m.
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- Public
depression and anxiety and unhappiness, but oh how I hide it well from everyone because although I love everyone in my life they never get it. I say some small things about having a bad self esteem day, or how being hurt by another guy who turned out to be a liar or scammer, or how i love my job, but am burnt out and I get you shouldn’t have low self esteem you are a great person we love you, there is someone out there for you, you will see, get a new job something that will make you happy. I don’t want to hear that I don’t need that I need someone to hold me and say you are going to be okay no matter what the future holds. Over the last year I really stopped caring about myself, I didn’t take care of my medical issues as I should have and I gained weight I can’t afford to gain, I allowed myself to be used, but back in December I shook myself out of that and started to care again, but here we are beginning of March and it’s all seeping back into me and yes I know depression and anxiety are illnesses and I can seek treatment, but unfortunately at the moment I can’t really afford a therapist or extra medication so for now I need to deal with it on my own. I am having a particularly bad week because February was particularly brutal to me for many reasons. I need to write here more and vent it helps. It’s the only place I am able to write everything I am truly feeling and not be judged by those that know me. Those of you who stick around and read me and have befriended me here have no idea how it helps to read your comments of support and encouragement.
Lady of the Bann ⋅ March 03, 2018
I find it helps to write here too. It’s sorts my head out and makes me feel I have support. But people saying those things to you and they love you, are surely really saying everything will be ok. It’s hard to find the right words sometimes.
Always Laughing Lady of the Bann ⋅ March 04, 2018
Thank you for that reminder, I know they mean well for me I just need more sometimes if that makes sense.
Shattered ⋅ March 04, 2018
(BIG HUGS FULL OF LOVE)
Always Laughing Shattered ⋅ March 04, 2018
thank you <3
.Bleu 🦋 Fleurs. ⋅ March 04, 2018
Its always helpful to take some time of from work so you dont get burnt out. Maybe you can set up a day or two off from the weekend so you can just focus on you and do something you've always wanted to do.
.Bleu 🦋 Fleurs. ⋅ March 04, 2018
Try finding local events near your town. Sometimes they can be cheap or even free and you can just get out of the rhythm of the norm for a couple days. That may help the burnt out feelings.
Also, exercise is a great outlet. Maybe find some trails you'd like to visit too.
I'm not an expert on medications or mental health. I just know what helps for me when I get burnt out, but I wouldnt rely on medications to get you out of this. Meds just dull the pain a bit, not solve it. Real change solves it. Its hard, but I find it a lot more rewarding than getting more doped up.
Always Laughing .Bleu 🦋 Fleurs. ⋅ March 04, 2018
Thank you for those suggestions. I have been unhappy with myself for awhile and do want to get back into exercising the problem is finding the time and energy. Hopefully as I continue to battle my medical issues, my energy will increase. Once the weather gets nice I do want to start just walking.
Small Town Girl ⋅ March 04, 2018
It definitely helps to write here. Sorry to hear you are struggling so much. Going thru simular things myself I know how alone you must feel. I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. And I totally understand the things ppl say to try and make you feel better, but ot really doesnt. They have no idea if there is a husband out there for you or me. They say those things to try and bring hope, but in reality it just makes me feel worse. I wish ppl wouldnt say things they have no way of knowing anything about. Hugs.
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ March 04, 2018
That's exactly it I don't know if God's plan is for me to be married and have kids and so I would rather them say I am sorry you met another jerk let's go kick his arse or something like that then just wait your time will come. I need to live in the here and now and not about something that may or may not ever happen.
Deleted user ⋅ March 04, 2018
Hope things get better.
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ March 04, 2018
thank you
Deleted user ⋅ March 05, 2018
Sometimes friends don't really get how to be supportive and validating. The easy way out for them is to say "You're loved you don't need to feel that way" or "You don't need men in your life like that, you don't need a guy to make you happy," etc. When in reality it's more about relating and offering a shoulder. Only offering advice when asked, and being present for the tough conversations. I'm sorry that you haven't been getting what you need from your friends but we are definitely here. I hope you do write more. I find I get more help here than I do IRL for the most part as well.
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ March 05, 2018
Thank you that's exactly what I was meaning, I know they mean well, but just offering the shoulder to cry on would be better than some of those often used phrases of support. Hugs
Deleted user Always Laughing ⋅ March 05, 2018
Yes. Even saying, that they don't know what to say but they want to be there for you, would be nice. It acknowledges yet there's no expectation for you to be anything or anyone other than you are.
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ March 05, 2018
Exactly <3
LotusButterfly ⋅ March 06, 2018
I find that PB and my people here are my best therapists. Anxiety and depression is hard, and you should most definitely try to vent out whatever is bothering you. The minute we can name our emotions and the root of them we can find solutions to feel better. You can count on your peeps here.
Always Laughing LotusButterfly ⋅ March 06, 2018
Thank you