It’s safe to say the pregnancy hormones are in full swing. I cried for an hour last night because Joey made cheese on toast wrong. There was shouting. I kept saying I know you’re making an effort, I know you’ve tried and I’m ungrateful, but it’s all wrong. He didn’t take it very well to be fair, he was walked away when I was crying because he didn’t know what to do. So then we had more shouting about that and his lack of attempt to comfort or reassured me.
Fast forward to this morning and we had no decaf tea bags. There was the offer of him going for some - AFTER he had finished the end of his film. Totally unacceptable in my lovely hormonal brain, so he got told to shove his teabags and I’d buy them myself. Factor in also a bit more crying.
We’re 7 weeks + and I genuinely can’t believe we’ve made it this far. Every day that passes is like a tiny little miracle. The obsessive checking of the underwear for blood every time I wee is still there - I wee a hundred times a day, it’s safe to say there has been no bleeding and I’m still pregnant.
The nausea is ever present and the fatigue is like nothing I’ve ever known even after months of nights. We have our scan on Tuesday, and the last three weeks have been the longest weeks of my life. Anxiety is now present and probably not helping with my mood, I know I have all the symptoms of a pregnant woman, but I have the absolute fear that there will be no heartbeat, or it’ll be slow and the baby small and our world will come crashing down around us.
It’s been our plan all along to stay cautiously optimistic this time. Worrying ourselves sick did nothing to help last time, and I’m certain that the additional stress was less than helpful. I’ve been trying to stay relaxed (teabag-gate and cheese on toast moments aside), and have been listening to a pregnancy specific guided relaxation at nighttime to help me sleep, and for some positive affirmation.
I’m eagerly anticipating this pregnancy glow that everyone talks about, it can’t come quickly enough!
Xx
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