Valentine's surprise in 2018

3:15pm

Another day. Valentine’s Day! =)

For some unknown reason this is my favorite holiday. It’s just so pretty, and pink, and lovely, and I’m normally not any of those girly kinda things so it’s nice. I don’t get depressed because I’m single. I’ve never even had a valentine, except that one time in like 5th grade, but no one counts that. haha.

I had to call TF this morning to ask about some work stuff and he answered by saying our business name. I told him that I thought I had the wrong number and was going to hang up. hah. He jumped right into asking me how things were going and wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day! Shocker! Not even last year when we were in the middle of things did he wish me a happy V-day. Actually, if I remember correctly, I specifically said it to him and he never responded, so hey! We’re doing better already huh? =\

It’s fine though. I like that we can get along and there’s none of that weird extra stuff going on in the background. I mean, there kinda is on my part if I’m totally honest. Because I did cry last night before bed. It’s just hard to look at him and have all those old things bubble up. I know everyone hates TF and thinks he’s a terrible choice, but no matter how hard I try I cannot get over what I felt. Like he was it for me. I was done looking. I wanted nothing more than to be next to him. To touch him, to hold him, to look at his face, to listen to him talk.

That’s why it was so damn hard when I finally realized it was over. Because I suddenly had to give all that up. I had to accept the fact that I did indeed need to continue looking. That he wasn’t it after all and I was on my own again. That he’d leave like everyone else has and that I wasn’t worth waiting for.

It’s like being totally heartbroken by a guy and then having to stand in front of him and pretend it never happened. I know we’ll eventually transition to a place where he’s just any other client walking in here like any other person, but that’s going to take me some time. Or I guess we’ll transition Back to that place because that’s exactly what we were like a couple years ago. He’d walk in, do whatever he had to do, and walk back out again. If we did it once, we can do it again right?

Anyway, when I spoke to him this morning he basically had zero answers to the questions I asked. Not surprising. He said he was going to go and look everything up. I asked how he could forget something from only a year ago and he said he had a terrible memory and forgets a lot of things. I told him that I did already know that about him. He was on his way to another town and said he’d look things up when he got back to his office. I asked if he was cutting out for lunch and he said he had “an appointment”. I did one of those “ooo ok” kinda things and he just laughed and we hung up after that. This was at like 11:30 though and I haven’t heard anything back despite my insistence he do it as soon as possible. Again, not surprising. He’ll stroll in here in another week or so and act like it’s no big deal.

I didn’t even finish talking about yesterday but I’ll probably go back and add on to the other entry. It’s not like these are going anywhere anyway. Although I pulled up the site and at least it has a “down for maintenance” note now instead of not existing!

Ok, so yeah, I got the Happy Valentine’s Day comment and I was so shocked that I just mumbled out “same to you”. hah. When I was giving him a hard time about forgetting things and losing all the paperwork so quickly he said that that’s what he had us for. I laughed and said “oh that’s great. We do all the work and we don’t get paid for it.” I think that’s when he responded, “You’re awesome.” …Way to get me to shut up. haha. I did one of those “aww, thank you!” and then kept going on with whatever I was saying. I wanted to joke around about some things, like how he should bring me flowers, but he mentioned he was driving and needed to go. Oh well, if he ever calls back or stops by I can say everything then.

In related news: I talked to his brother Lucas today. I told him I’d call when everything got processed and I’ve been saying for like a week that I’d call during work but never did. I was going to make a joke about Valentine’s day gifts but didn’t end up doing it.

What happened is that I finally convinced myself to call just before two. He answered and I said his name, knowing that no one calls him by his full name, and he hesitated to answer. haha. I told him it was me from this location and that I was his favorite person. He started singing my name and then goes, “what’s up sexy?” 0_o I burst into laughter. Sexy? really? Boy, you don’t know me! Not even TF says things like that to me. Then again I’m wondering how much TF has told him and maybe he’s mentioned I’m conservative or something.

I told him why I was calling and he said he’d gotten one last week. Then he mentioned his account was overdrawn and I was about to make a joke about not saving his money when he said he likes to buy expensive creams and lotions. Except like maybe it’s just my gutter mind but I took it the wrong way. Although maybe that’s how he meant it? I couldn’t tell. He did eventually say that he liked to keep his skin moisturized and that’s why he looked so much younger than his younger brother. I told him we’d need to do a side-by-side to compare. And I refrained from mentioning how much older he sounded on the phone. Wow though. He sounded super old. I enjoyed our conversation much more in person. To the point where after I hung up I thought if I ever had to choose I’d definitely choose TF. haha.

He also said something about how he already knew I thought he was cuter and I told him he’d already hired me to ride around in the truck and tell him so. “Whatever” he said, which was funny because that’s usually my line. I went on a little spiel about it and how he forgot so quickly and I was going to tell him all the time I just didn’t know when my job started. He said he knew I’d tell him even without the job and I said, “nah..only if it comes with a paycheck.” haha. He didn’t think that was as funny as I did. ;)

I cut the conversation after that saying that I was only calling because I told him I would and that I was glad everything went through and he thanked me and we hung up. No big deal. I mean I’m still a little surprised by the “sexy” comment but I’m not entirely shocked. The way those guys work, I think everyone knows they’re full of it. haha.

Plot Twist - the client just walked in, out of nowhere, told me he just wanted to say hi and handed me a flower made of nuts and bolts and whatever these pieces are called while wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day. He freaken hand-welded this flower together. For me! Ack. Why do I not like him more!?!?!?!

This is seriously like the nicest thing any one has ever done for me. I’ve been complaining all day that no one has sent me flowers and here he strolls in with this thing he made. It is so damn sweet and I feel like a jerk for not jumping up and hugging him. Actually, I just realized, I didn’t even stand up from my chair! I didn’t shake his hand. I didn’t hug him. Nothing. And I’m totally wearing a dress today! I should have at least stood up because this is a rare occurrence.

If I really think about it though. I stayed sitting on purpose. I know this. I didn’t want him to expect a hug. I didn’t want him to misread the vibe I was giving off. And as much as I absolutely appreciate this amazing gesture, it just doesn’t mean anything more than that to me right now. =\

My mom keeps saying that “persistence pays off” and who knows, right? Maybe some day, when I’m over everything that’s happened to me lately, I’ll find myself falling for this perfectly nice guy that wouldn’t hesitate to treat me right.

For now I guess I’m stuck feeling like an idiot for wanting something that doesn’t exist and pulling away from something that does.

I never could control any of this.

rose.

Last updated February 17, 2018