Told my therapist what I haven’t told anyone ever this evening. It just fell out of my mouth. I’ve held onto it for about 30 years. I came home and immediately had a panic attack. Wondering how could I have possibly said it out loud. Why would I do that. Would she tell anyone? Of course not. But that’s not the rational thought that was running through my increased heart rate and labored breathing. It must have been important to say. To get out. Because it hurt like a bitch. Maybe I can fix my thinking now. After admitting it. After voicing it and making it real. My chest still hurts. I just want to be free and live happy. Have to work through the darkness so the light is free to shine.

metoo