Epic Failure... in 2018

Today was an epic failure. I was more forced to talk to F at work about a work thing. The conversation was short, but basically I learned that he’s perfectly happy with me not talking to him and ignoring him. And he apparently thinks the job task that I have assigned him the past several months is me punishing him. Yeah I’m not really vindictive like that… it just needed doing and he had been doing it so I didn’t see a reason to change it. Right now OT is tight, but he probably would have gotten some OT out of it in the future, but if you want to complain and think I’m punishing you, then fine.

The conversation was short because another guy walked in. I said bye to everyone and left. Texted F to tell him he’s kinda a dick and left it at that.

Of course I had originally wanted to go out to the brewery tonight, but K doesn’t want to come near me because I was sick last week, so crying in the bathtub it is…

I just honestly think I need to give up on the idea of ever being in a relationship and being happy. I am so sick of hurting. I don’t want to meet anyone new. I just don’t want to be so lonely all the time.