Official test day in The ugly truth about making babies

Up until today I’ve been testing with internet cheapies, and a whole box of tests given to me by a colleague - they don’t test their patients before each chemo anymore, just new patients, so had no need of this box of 20 tests!

This morning I got up and went to the shop for a first response as they’re widely believed to give more accurate results. I ended up with a clear blue digital, as surprisingly few places around here seem to sell first response. I’ve never seen ‘pregnant’ on a test before. Plenty of not pregnants, but never pregnant. Then 2-3 weeks flashed up which is exactly where we should be at.

I don’t know why, but in the car on the way home I was imagining what I would do if, despite the myriad of positive tests I’ve had, the digital came up ‘not pregnant’. I suppose a little anxiety is normal after everything it’s taken to get this little poppy seed in there.

Rang our clinic and left a message, they notoriously NEVER answer the phone. I didn’t get a call back until 6pm, by which time I’d assumed they would have gone home and would call me tomorrow. It’s a bit of a funny set up, I would have thought they would be anxious to hear from me knowing it’s test day but never mind. Considering all the stress and trauma ivf brings, there doesn’t seem to be much hand holding from them, I can’t remeber if I may have written about it before.

Anyway, eventually I heard back from them and we’re booked for an early scan in 3 weeks time. I feel like this is going to be the longest three weeks of my life, waiting for this scan, hoping that everything is fine and bubs is growing nicely in there.

It’s weird because I do feel like this is our baby, I feel like I just accepted from day one that this was the right thing, that this embryo should be here, completely different to my attitude towards our first transfer. I feel positive and that things will be good, I’m doing guided meditation daily, I have some little affirmation cards and they’re really helping with maintaining my positivity.

I have been going to acupuncture also and love it. I text my acupuncturist today and she’s thrilled, I’m booked in to see her next week.

In an ideal world we would have kept things quiet for longer but the nature of ivf is that people know the ins and outs. We decided very early on that it would be nigh on impossible to keep our treatment a secret, and I didn’t want the stress of that on top of everything else, so we decided to adopt an open and honest approach. In some ways it’s quite nice that the people who know and have supported us through the shit of the first cycle, and the trauma of the fail, get to now share in our joy.

Just keeping everything crossed that things are going well in there!

Xx