Tentative in The ugly truth about making babies

Our official test day is next Tuesday, but I caved yesterday and tested. There was a squintier of a line and I didn’t dare believe this might have worked. I tested again this morning and there is definitely a solid second line, our little snowflake has taken, we’re having a baby!

It’s so early, there are a fair few hurdles to get through before I can confidently start telling people. Firstly my period would be due this weekend so if we get through the weekend without that happening (I know, a positive test means I shouldn’t get my period and I shouldn’t even be thinking about it but I think I’m still in shock!). My parents know we transferred this month so I’ll tell them on Tuesday, official test day. I need to let our clinic know on Tuesday, they won’t accept early results. They then book us in for a scan around 7 weeks, so not too long to wait for that. Then we’ll tell Joey’s family.

We didn’t tell them we were transferring this month. We set them up a good while ago with the idea that if a transfer fell on a Sunday we would have to wait a month because our clinic doesn’t transfer on a Sunday. Because our transfer was completely natural, with no drugs and relying on just my own hormones, it’s an easy lie to keep up that my cycle wasn’t in sync with clinic opening times.

Joey’s family just have a habit of monopolising everything and we wanted this to just be for/about us a bit more this time. We just didn’t want every conversation to be about our transfer. We also wanted time to process without the scrutiny if things didn’t work out how we hoped. And another, final reason, is my sister in law and her recent miscarriage. I know how hard I found it to hear she was pregnant just 6 weeks after our first cycle failed, even though I was thrilled for them, and I didn’t want to force her to sit through conversation after conversation about our fertility treatment knowing she was hurting after her miscarriage, and knowing that their ongoing fertility struggles are at the forefront of her mind.

We still have a long way to go just to get to that 7 week viability scan and I’m fully aware things might not go our way. Currently Joey and I know, one of my best friends knows (basically because she’s asked the whole way along how I’m doing so she knew we were having the transfer), and about 1000 wonderful women on my fertility Instagram account who’ve been following every step of our journey since last April, when I originally started the account to make myself accountable/find inspiration for my weight loss - I had to lose 15kg to get nhs funding for treatment. And of course, now you guys.

I honestly can’t believe I’m even writing this entry. I can’t believe I’ve gotten a positive test (by which read several, so far!) I know fertility treatment works, I know millions of women have ivf babies every year. But there have been many occasions during these last 12 months when I wondered if I’d ever be one of them. I’m pleased we did a natural cycle with no drugs - I’ve never been more thankful that male factor infertility is all we were dealing with, and that my body and hormones are all good. I’m so glad our doctor was on our wavelength and advised a natural transfer without me having to ask or fight for it.

For now, all we can do is hope our little poppy seed snuggles in tight and keeps growing.

Xx