Sleep schedules in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

  • Jan. 12, 2018, 9:12 p.m.
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I was too pumped from that show last night, I didn’t end up falling asleep until something close to 5 in the morning.
And then I slept in today until 1:30 PM.

I usually wake up around 9 or 10 every morning…so that was kind of a stretch for me.
And now I’m feeling super off…I only got a few hours of sunlight today, it got dark so fast.
I’m tired too, which is weird, I was jumping around a lot at the show, but it’s not that kind of tired…it’s a deep tired, an internal tired.

I was supposed to go to Long Beach to visit my friend Danny, he just got back from Europe with his girlfriend and I want to hear about the trip, but I had to reschedule for tomorrow because today I am just feeling like a bed person.

I haven’t been eating very well lately, I don’t know what my deal is but I just don’t get hungry this last week or so…I finally eat at some point in the night because I finally start feeling kind of sick and I realize I haven’t eaten anything so I force myself to choke something down.

I’m getting to that point where I’m feeling kind of sick, but nothing sounds good.

Actually, I want to go to The Crack Shack and eat a Fire Bird…that’s what I want to do, because it’s one of my favorite chef’s restaurants and one just opened up fairly close to me.

I can’t stop listening to Circa Survive lately…it’s not good.

‘Don’t stop talking to me, I haven’t been listening.”

It gives me too many memories and too many strange feelings.
Lately I have been looking back on my life, with this realization that this is actually my life, there are no take backs or do overs, this has just been my life, and this will continue to be my life until I die…and I’m getting closer to dying every day.

I don’t like memories.

Today has been depressing.
I think it’s a crash from having such a high yesterday.

That’s fine…I can recognize it for what it is and let it wash over me, with the knowledge that it will dissipate.

This is all temporary.
Everything I feel is always temporary, that’s a big part of being bi-polar, isn’t it?

I am still grateful for so many things, and I am still having fun.
I just need some food and some sleeping pills.
All in good time.

Everything will come to me as I need it.
Tomorrow is another day at work and I won’t have time to think about anything but smiling and being nice to people and I will remember that I am full of love and light, and life will continue to go on as it always has.

Maybe I should watch some Arrested Development.
Yeah, that’s what I should do.

Okay…

I love you.
-Dane


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