1.) YODA. You Only Do, Always.
2.) She didn’t like saying she “had diarrhea” she preferred to say she was “freestyle scatting”.
3.) “Is that a terrible teevee dinner?” “Beef Banquet. Bingo.”
4.) Over-preparing for everything you could expect isn’t about being ready for those things. It’s about having a baseline of understanding in the situation so that when something you had no idea could happen happens, you have a chance of ad-libbing your way out.
5.) Life hacks? More like LIE FAQS, AMIRITE?
6.) Santa has to have someone save Christmas for him every single year, if you take all Christmas specials as occurring in a shared universe. Is he incompetent? Does he need more security? Is it all staged to give whoever “saves” Christmas a chance to feel useful?
7.) So this is what it’s like to go A Year Without A President. Christ, it sucks, doesn’t it? Is it too soon to point out that (mildest spoilers) Benicio Del Toro’s character in LAST JEDI was an amoral cynical marble-mouthed con man who’d sell out his own mother for a space buck, with the same first two initials as the Fake President?
8.) He doesn’t “bust up rooms with an aluminum baseball bat for fun”, baby, he is a “deformance artist”.
9.) Empires rise and fall, the sins of great queens and kings forgotten except perhaps mistranslated versions of their names, but graffito on a bathroom wall preserved by volcano or a cuneiform receipt for a bale of grain survives to be analyzed for centuries.
10.) I still say it’d be cool to have framed crew call sheets from high-budget pornos, back when it all needed to be well-planned because it was still on expensive film stock, like DEEP THROAT or what not.
11.) It’s not that you said “shithole”, Trump, you silver-spoon Kremlin-backed dullard rapist, it’s that it underlined the ignorance and hate in your heart. Logan Act, bitch, get the hell out of my country.
12.) A parody of Elliott Smith’s “Angeles” about Tony’s love for Angela in WHO’S THE BOSS would only be slightly more accessible than my parody of Frank Zappa’s “Billy The Mountain” about Skeletor and Beast-Man.
13.) Any individual or group’s “superiority” over another is context-based, a cultural construct at best, never innate, a whim in the zeitgeist that served as your particular mid-wife. There but for the grace of the luck plane go you.
14.) “Chopping ice in your driveway in shorts and sandals” is the kind of thing that only people from very particular kinds of cold places understand. A winter warm spell here just means there’s lake effect snow coming behind it. Ah, northern NY state.
15.) Had it been focused on Shaggy instead of Scooby-Doo, it could’ve been called “The Ghost Whimperer”.
16.) This is what happens when you call a strong woman a “bitch” and a cruel man “strong”, America.
17.) Intellect is great for parlor tricks, for bets & laughs, but it’s all for naught if your compass is that intellect. Your compass must always be what’s the most humane. You can out-think yourself if you don’t and we can end up with Trump because you wrote in Jill Stein.
18.) Remember: the main reason D.C. and Puerto Rico aren’t states is that Republicans don’t think black people and Hispanic folks should get Congressional representation.