Today Chinese Boss was at a branch office and did not call me to make demands. So I was considerably less stressed out. Imagine that!
Also, the E-Therapy has been doing well. I write twice a day and get responses from a trained Social Worker. I like it, it helps keep me calm, but I also hope it helps me out in the long run.
It is funny. If I didn’t have to worry about Chinese Boss… if I didn’t have to worry about Immigration Issues (either actual immigration or immigration consequences)… this job wouldn’t be so bad. It would be acceptable… though I wouldn’t be making enough money.
E-Therapist today asked me “I hear your thoughts about quitting and a feeling of being free. Have you explored what you would do if this were to happen?”
And the answer is of course I have. I think, think, think. It is what I do. AND it is something I’ve already had to think about. Remember last year when Wife said we had to move out of Tiny Town whether I had a job or not? So I’ve thought about it. (OH, wanted to do a follow up here: I asked Wife last night, “Are you happier here than Tiny Town? With everything going on?” She confidently said yes and had a good, rational argument for why things were better now than they were back there. So… good.) BUT… here are my thoughts on that:
If I Quit Today
First, I would return to a much healthier lifestyle. With more free time and no worries about being called at a moment’s notice with a demand from the firm… I would be able to work out again, I would be able to get enough sleep again, and I would even be able to return to cooking for my wife and I. For the first few months, I would focus back on getting in shape, feeling physically well, and reading/watching movies/playing video games. Allowing myself to relax a bit. All the while, routinely checking the State and County Employment boards for a chance to join a Government Attorney’s Office. Then, I would plan a vacation for my wife and I. Honestly, we’ve never had one. Didn’t even get a honeymoon. Went “wedding” straight to “moving” straight to “law school”. We could seriously use a vacation. After planning that and going on that vacation, all the while routinely checking State and County Employment boards, I would try to reconnect at church or with volunteer organizations. I am really passionate about Mental Health Issues in my state and I think my experience in Immigration Law might help with religious refugee organizations. If I still hadn’t found a Government Law Job by October or November, I’d work for Costco during the holidays. Not ideal but by this point in the year, I’d start feeling bad about myself for not contributing to my family.
That’s what I said. I went into my concerns, too. Which you all already know. NAMELY:
WOULD LEAVING THIS JOB NOW HURT MY ABILITY TO BECOME A PROSECUTOR LATER? Because… I took this job hoping it would help me reach my goals. If leaving the job hurts those goals… way bad. And it might. The gap I discussed could certainly cock some things up; but also my “Time At Firm” record. I was in Tiny Town from April 2016 to March 2017. I started at this firm in April 2017.... if I leave now? If I leave in March? If I leave at any point under XY amount of months… will that kill my chances? Will the answer “Immigration law” be sufficient to explain why the exeunt? THAT is what sticks me here.
I could survive emotionally, mentally… probably financially.... for a good while before I started getting antsy, nervous, or financially freaked out. But nothing would be worse than doing something that killed my dream.
Because that is the dream. If I could waive a giant magic wand right now and have things the way I want? My wife and I would be living and working in a city of more than 50,000 people (if you’re not from Iowa… there are only 11 cities that fit that bill) living in a house with a yard, a dog, and a finished basement. I would be working for the County Attorney’s Office making decent money and working no more than 8am to 6pm and only a few weekends a year. That is what I want. It may not seem like a lot to most people, but that is my Golden Apple. And while I don’t have it, and don’t have an easy path to it right now… I also don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize that. Which is funny because… I don’t have any answers on what would jeopardize or help me get that.
In other news… I am speaking with an old professor today about Labor Laws to see if my bosses can legally withhold payment due to “dis-satisfactory work” or if that violates labor law standards.