Goodbye, 2017 in Not All Who Wander Are Lost
- Dec. 31, 2017, 7:21 a.m.
- |
- Public
NYE is always kind of a weird holiday for me, since it’s also my birthday. I start a new year and a new YEAR on the same day. I know that socially and politically 2017 was a bit of a cesspool of shit, though we did have some big wins in Virginia and Alabama. I feel the tides are changing, so that’s good. People are waking up and realizing they can make a difference.
Personally, however, 2017 was amazing. I got to go to Europe and visit all my dream locations and meet dear friends I’ve known via the internet for years and see my best friend since high school. I got to sit in a hot spring in Iceland and wander Paris at midnight and eat dinner in the midst of castle ruins and hop over to Belgium because it was there. And for me, I flew on a PLANE. Without having a panic attack. (the xanax helped.)
I got acclimated to my zoloft and what a world of difference that has made. I feel like I have control over my compulsive thoughts for the first time in my life. I’m not constantly worrying about everything. I can focus, I can devote my time to one project or the next and not struggle with the thoughts of “if I can’t get everything finished right now then I’m just not going to do anything.” I still see my therapist but I’ve been able to scale back from every two weeks to every month. I forgive myself when I’m too exhausted to cook and the kids just eat cereal for dinner or when I choose to nap instead of clean the living room. These things are okay! The kids are fed and the stuff in the living room will still be there when I wake up. I realized I don’t have to have people in my life who don’t make me feel good about myself. I can choose that. I can choose me.
I made small changes and big changes, all of which helped me. I bought a new vacuum and wood floor mop, which I know doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but our old vacuum barely worked and I’d just been cleaning the floor by hand. I actually really enjoy sweeping and mopping now? Like the simple act of having something new and nice works wonders. We got a new dining room table and it’s gorgeous and I love it and it makes me so happy. I paid off our credit card which is a major relief. I’m staying on top of things. I can do a little each day and it’s enough. I’m enough. I can remember to get the oil changed and the car washed and make dentist appointments for the kids. I can just do it.
My goals for this year are fairly simple. Drink more water. Do something active every single day, whether it’s going to kickboxing or doing my stretching DVD or just going for a walk around the block. Get out. Move. Make more time to read, even if it’s 15 minutes a day. Pick back up with my Swedish lessons on duolingo. Save up for Europe 2019. Write everything down in my planner (I will not remember, no matter how much I tell myself I will.) Don’t save that bath bomb or body scrub or chocolate for a special occasion. Just use it. Every day can be a special occasion and sometimes treating yourself midweek for no reason can be a special occasion all itself. Keep in better contact with people you care about, even if it’s a simple message to say hello and you’re thinking about them. Have people over more. They don’t care if your house is messy, they just want to see you. Always be kinder than necessary, to yourself, and to others. Stay sexy, don’t get murdered.
+min
Last updated December 31, 2017
WhatDreamsMayCome ⋅ January 05, 2018
Nice entry.