October 21st, 2013 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

I’ve tried for a week to log in to OD…I am surprised it actually let me today. I want to perhaps switch to Prosebox, but I know it will not be the same.

I am finally back on birth control and I forgot how emotional that stuff makes me. The past two weeks have been tough. I was so close so many times to packing my shit up and driving back to Cali, but in the end I knew that would not solve anything and I would not be okay in Cali, especially with all the crap going on with my parents. I would also feel more alone than ever in Cali.

I am slowly, but surely getting my shit together over here. Sometimes it is so difficult to keep going through the constant chaotic changes my life brings. I don’t remember one time that I truly felt settled, and I have come to realize I most likely never will. But that is just who I am. Constantly going—addicted to change. Soon enough this personality trait will take me to the open road and I can travel again. Hopefully around the world someday soon! But for now, financial reasons keep me back.

The plan (for now) is to move into Tony’s backhouse when I get back from my vacation to California for Andrea’s wedding…so mid November. Rodney is going to get us a bed and then I will slowly but surely bring up the fact to Tony that Rodney and I are in fact together. Rodney is working on getting his CDL license so that will be awesome! I plan on moving down to part time work (if possible) so I can focus more on school and be less stressed out over the stupid YH bullshit.

As soon as I am done with school (Hoping next fall semester could be my last) I will be on my way to Seattle! (Also contemplating moving back to SoCal for a SHORT time, just to be back near my grandma again) But I guess that kind of depends on where Andrea and Tyler end up. Rodney plans to go with me, but I am not going to bank on it because we all know how fast things change over here. For once I am just going to rely on myself and my own plans without them involving anyone else.

Dave and I have been getting along. Although, I don’t see how we can’t be since we never really talk about anything below surface level. He is a good roommate. I’m glad I now realize that is all he really is/was. I’ve been hanging out with YH peeps a lot, which is strange because I usually back away from shit when I know people hate me. But this time, I’m really putting myself out there. I’m trying. I’m hanging out with the people who I know have my back, even if that means having to be around the others that don’t. I guess I’m kind of trying to let them know, Hey I’m here and I’m friends with your friends so if you don’t like it—tough! They will have to get used to me. Things have cooled down with the shit talking and I think people really are starting to realize I am not going anywhere (At least on my own account).

Always a group of at least 10 of us are at one of the local bars after our shift. Everyone has also been going to this guy Steve’s house who sells molly and getting all x-ed out. I don’t participate obviously, but of course that puts a further gap between me and my coworkers. Oh well. We shall see how long this ecstasy bond they all have together lasts.