September 17th, 2013 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

School has been awesome! I absolutely love my poetry and literature class. I feel like I am entering a philisophical discussion each time I'm in class and I LOVE talking about life in that sense. We are focusing on late 19th/early 20th century work and it is the time frame in writing I can finally start to identify with because it is when the absence of God arrives and existential/nililistic thoughts emerge. The poetry we are reading right now is Hardy and Housman and they are amazing! I am over the moon listening to my professors and taking notes. I feel like I am finally getting back into the mindframe where I feel most comfortable and hopefully these lectures spark something in regards to my own personal writing. Even my business class isn't too bad because my professor is really great and I feel like since I have spent most of my life working in a business I can relate a lot to the stuff we are learning. Spanish class is my only class where I find myself wanting to pull my hair out at times, but at least my professor is seriously awesome.

Work has been up and down. I feel bi-polar at the YH and I definitely have a love-hate relationship. I can't seem to get along with a couple of the managers, which is normal, but I hate that feeling. I feel like a couple of them are constantly picking up things I am doing wrong, pointing them out to me, making me extremely nervous and thus vulnerable to even more mistakes. One night it got so bad that I ended up having what the YH crowd calls a Turkey Melt Down. I messed up an order, had to re-ring it in and get it comped and while I was waiting for the right order to come up, my manager informed me I had yet again put the order in wrong!!! Rodney is the food runner so he was just staring at me like Oh Fuck and I was like Ok now I am going to start crying. Luckily my favorite trainer Jenny was there and calmed me down. But seriously, I couldn't believe how much I fucked up that table. Other than that, my tables have been really awesome and I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from my guests and other co-workers. I just need to get on certain managers good sides, which is going to be a tad bit difficult. Also, I don't think I have the best reputation at work because everyone knows about Rodney and I and even though I am trying to play it like he is the one with just a silly crush on me, it is difficult. I also can't seem to avoid the "Wait, are you married?" question.

In the past I know I have been unfaithful many a times, but this time it is more than that. It scares me a bit, but the fear factor definitely keeps me on edge. Being with him is such a rush. I haven't been sick of him once which is saying a lot for me since guys tend to very easily irritate me. Everything he does makes my heart skip a beat, and I am sad to know that nothing this good lasts forever. Thankfully, I am appreciating every moment of this infatuation I possibly can because I really have not felt this happy in ...probably ever.

Also, last night I came out of work to find a dozen roses on my windshield. I really hoped it was R, even though that is so awkward, only because I knew if it wasn't him it was T. I texted R (which by the way is so awkward to have to bring up this because I just didn't know who really left them there) and he didn't seem to know what I was talking about. I pulled up to his house. Showed him and he just turned around, through his hands in the air, and walked away. I followed him laughing nervously. He knows all about T and he just couldn't believe he did that. I couldn't either, because hellooooo...how am I supposed to bring a dozen roses into my apartment? So I texted him and said Thanks but R said I really needed to tell this dude off. I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings!! So the roses currently sit in my car..........I don't have the heart to throw them away so I am waiting for them to die so I can.

Dave and I have seriously not seen each other in forever. We are both NEVER home, especially never home together. This past weekend he was at base so R and I got a hotel room and just enjoyed a night together. It was so much fun. The guy is so hilarious. He bought a deck of cards and showed me all these amazing card tricks. I can definitely say no guy has ever done that with me before haha......

V is finally coming home from France tonight and I am picking her up at the airport! I can't wait! Her and I definetly have so much to catch up on and she is going to die when she sees the roses hahahaha