February 13th, 2013 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

I have envisions of how I want to look/feel for this year and I know I need to do a lot of work. I am actually trying, but not doing the best job of it. Like quitting smoking...I am doing good, but I did buy a pack a few days ago and even though I am only smoking one a day...it is still one that I shouldn't smoke. Even while smoking it, I mostly hold it and don't even smoke it and then put it out when it isn't even finished. It is just the habit of driving and smoking that is really heard to break. I want to do this obviously for my health, but also for my acne. I know it isn't the cause of it, but I'm sure it doesn't help. The cause is definitely hormones and my diet. Since moving here I have wanted to gain weight, but have been somehow losing weight instead. Once I found out how much I lost, I started eating a lot of junk food on a regular basis. I know that isn't the right way to go about gaining weight, but I've felt desperate to pack on some pounds. I used to hate sugary stuff like chocolate and cookies and would crave salty stuff...now I am always craving sugar. Which is HORRIBLE especially for your skin! So I am really trying to cut down on that. I am trying to drink a lot of water throughout the day because I never do. I just really need to figure out how to GAIN weight but eliminate foods that cause break outs, so that is the hard part. Lately I have had cystic acne, which is definitely the worst. They are very painful and last for weeks/months. I also want to tone up my body (hoping that helps put on some pounds) and get some color (which is impossible in the winter months) but my skin is starting to look translucent and you can literally see every blood vessel, scar, and imperfection especially on my face. Maybe if I got some color, I wouldn't have to wear as much foundation? Oh and I also bought this vitamin for hair, skin, and nails, but now after reading reviews online I am hesitant to take them because they contain biotin and apparently biotin causes cystic acne. Hmm...

So with all that said, I really want to work on all of this while Dave is gone so when he comes back I will be a brand new me But so far, I've only made baby steps. I hope I can kick it into gear when he leaves and perhaps I will actually join the gym. Wish there was an inexpensive women only gym around here, but it looks like Planet Fitness for ten bucks a month will have to suffice. Since I obviously can't afford a personal trainer, I will have to just find workouts to do online/pinterest for when I go to the gym. As for lack of color, I am not going into a tanning thing so I definitely will have to just get my but out as much as possible when the sun comes back and soak up some good vitamin D!

I definitely want to be in better shape/feel better/look better by summer time! So wish me luck