December 17th, 2012 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

Yep...the whole quarter of a century thing. I'm trying to stay positive about it by thinking about my life in 5 year increments. I think back to 15-20. What the hell did I accomplish then? NOTHING. I barely graduated high school, I was an alcohol abusing, drug addict who was obsessed with the craziest most fucked up guys you could throw in front of me. Not to mention I watched friends die, including a best friend, as well as my grandpa. I overdosed on ecstasy. I fought with my mom on a daily basis, I lost my virginity to a random dude in the back seat of my car. Ugh. Yet somehow turning 20 wasn't as bad as turning 25. I didn't look back at the last five years and think, wow I didn't accomplish shit. I wasn't upset at myself. Things just were what they were. Now I'm 25 and thinking I haven't done half the shit I wanted to do by this age. The next five years are going to fly by and before I know it I am going to be 30! Yet when I sat down and thought about it, I accomplished so much more between 20-25. I graduated college, I joined AmeriCorps, I worked full time, I moved to Washington, I got married, and I moved across the country. Not too shabby. But that small voice in my head is saying I could have done better.

My birthday wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. Let's go back to Friday. Tony asked me if Dave could work on his truck. His brake line went out and it was just sitting in his driveway. I texted Dave and he said sure. Tony is my favorite person at work. Think hardcore, moonshining, living off the land, confederate flag in his garage, deer shootin, red neck. Not that I am a red-neck, I am pretty much against many of the things he loves (killing deers for one), but in a strange way people like him are who I get along with best in this world. Maybe because they are real people. Maybe because they just dont give a fuck. Maybe because he lives off the land and makes good use of it, and when he does kill a deer you better bet he uses every last inch of it. I can respect that. Anyway, I've been wanting him to meet Dave forever because I knew they would get a long well. So finally, an opportunity. I really wanted Dave to work on his car. It was kind of a big thing on my mind all week. So Friday night comes around. I come home around midnight from work. He is at Freddy's shitfaced. I ask him to come home. He doesn't. Says, "Don't give me that look" when I try to eye-hint to him that he better get his ass home. All I could think about is FUCK. He is supposed to work on Tony's truck tomorrow morning and he is fucking this all up!!!! I go back to our apartment, move all my shit from our room to the spare bedroom and post a sign on the door "Don't give ME that look" and locked the door. Around 2 in the morning he stumbles home and starts pounded on the door. All I can think of is he better not break open that door. I had work early the next day as well and I wanted nothing to do with his drunkeness. Well the bastard ends up breaking the door open and you better know I spewed out every horrible thing I could think of saying and he finally retreated and left me alone. By the time I got up in the morning he was gone . He is damn lucky he went to do the job he said he would. He and Tony ended up getting along really well and I guess they are going to go ATV riding sometime next week. All I could think of was FUCKING THANK GOD. It's over with. I don't have to worry about it anymore. And hopefully Tony's friend George will get him some full-time work at a shop he owns. Dave was clearly sorry for how he acted so I just got over it. It was a shitty weekend after all of that and hearing about the shooting at the elementary school in CT. I really had no desire to celebrate my birthday. I woke up and Dave made me breakfast, bought me flowers, and took me to Walden pond. He stepped up and got his ass out of the dog house so that was nice. After watching the snow at Walden pond, we went over to Renas and celebrated my birthday/christmas with the rest of the family. It was a nice time and I now have a crock pot!!! I also have a blanket that his grandma knitted for me, some mac make up, more penzey spices to add to my collection, and a beautiful vase with a little bird and a little deer on it! Oh yeah and Dave got me this cool old-fashion looking phone that you can use with your iPhone. I missed talking on those types of phones and now I can again! We got back home around 4 and ordered pizza and rented a movie called "People Like Us" It was really good and I was tripping out because I realized it was filmed in Claremont when I saw apartments that I used to deliver pizza to. Then they showed Rhino Records! It was pretty cool. Anyway, I am just glad things are okay between Dave and I and that my birthday wasn't a total mess. Now I sit and wait for the 22nd---the day I leave for California!