December 1st, 2012 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

poetry

Well I never mentioned the other night, but Dave said he would go with me to my first poetry open mic night in Massachusetts. I've been trying to get into the poetry scene over here, but it has taken me this long. Finally I found a group known as the Zig Zag poets. It was located at In a Pig's Eye bar/restaurant in downtown Salem. We loved the quaint place and had a few drinks while waiting for the poets to approach the mic. The host, Brian was hilarious and I enjoyed all the poet's who read. Hopefully next time I will have some courage to approach the mic and read something of mine. It is one thing to get into reading your work, but I need to really get back into writing. So I formed a Meet Up called "A world of poetry in Beverly" and I lucked out getting half off for a year of being the organizer, so it was only 36 dollars. I have ten poets already who joined my meet up and 5 of them are going to our first meet up at Starbucks. I am very excited to get back into my poetry writing and I hope to meet some new like-minded individuals. Another great thing is I found a Boston Poetry Blogger and submitted one of my poems to be on the page and he wrote me back and told me he put it on his site! I know it is one tiny step, but it made me proud to be a part of the Boston Poetry Blog

sex

Dave and I have had a hard time being intimate pretty much since we got married. I don't know why, but we just aren't the horndogs we were before we knew each other. This past summer, after meeting Jon and re-finding my sexual side, I really thought I could not last with this lack of sex in my marriage, but after getting on birth control my sex drive has gone down pretty low again. With Dave's already abnormally low sex drive, both of us haven't been winking at each other lately. Awhile ago we were going to go to the Beverly airport and make love under the stars, but needless to say it never happened. Well after the open mic night, Dave and I actually went to that airport. I was playing that mixed CD I made and it was close to snowing outside and it was very romantic. I'm glad we had that night and we definitely needed to reconnect on that level. I hope we can work more on our intimacy and make our relationship feel more husband/wife again and not the roommate-sort-of-relationship. I know I talk a lot about wanting to get out of this marriage and find someone who understands me on the same level that I understand this world, but I also know that Dave and I have a unique relationship in the sense that we can spend all of our waking moments together and never get sick of each other. He is the ONLY person in the world that I have met that it has been like this. Everyone else I know, I get sick of after awhile and desperately need my own space.

family

I briefly talked to my father yesterday and found out Gary is in jail and has been there since Thanksgiving. Yet no one has told me until now. Gary is my cousin and he has had a drug addiction since I can remember. He had a terrible, horrible childhood and nothing has been easy for him. He lost both his mother and grandmother a few years back on Christmas when his grandfather was driving the car down from Vegas and got into a wreck, flipping the vehicle and killing them both. He has had a failed marriage and two kids with different women. He has been in and out of rehab and can't kick his meth habit. I've always always always been there for my cousin Gary. Because he has always been there for me. I know everyone else looks at him as a bad person, but I know he means well and he is just truly sick. I don't know how to help him, nobody does. But I hope he gets out in time for Christmas. I need to see him. I just want him to know I am still there for him even though I am living across the country now.

I also found out my parents are going on a cruise and they are leaving Monday. WTF? I don't understand those two. They lost two homes. Are thousands and thousands of dollars in debt. Haven't paid any of their medical bills. Complain about how they have no money all the time. Make me feel guilty about buying two round trip tickets to come and see Dave and I, but their flight was supposed to arrive the day the hurricane came, so they never ended up coming and can't seem to figure out how to get reimbursed. They kept saying they had to "save up forever" to get those tickets. Yet on a whim they can afford to go on a week long cruise? I get mad because I know they also give my brother money all the time, pay his rent, etc. and they haven't given me a dime in the past year. I don't want them to or anything, and I know I shouldn't expect them to, but just the fact that they bend over backwards for Kyle and couldn't care less about my financial situation...why just because I am married now? Am I no longer their daughter? It really irks me that my dad makes over 200 thousand dollars a year and can't seem to save one penny of it.

in other news

Caralie and Ian are finally engaged!!!! I am so excited for them. I never believed in marriage before, and I know I have quite the different view on it nowadays than most people have, but I am happy that many of my friends have found their match, their lover, their partner, whatever you want to call it...and they are all happy enough to marry each other and I just have this overwhelming sense of security for all of us and it makes me feel very good!

Also, I just wanted to mention that SL sent me two letters the other day and I absolutely loved them and read them more than once. One of them even had a dried rose inside. Utterly. Adorable.

end.