November 24th, 2012 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

I'm very relieved Thanksgiving is over and done with! The whole day has always struck some sort of nerve with me and I've never fancied the holiday. Then with the whole Black Friday thing the next day.....ugh. Now if the next few weeks can just fly by and be over with. I'm ready to be back on a plane to Cali (I know, you didn't expect me to say that after my last trip there). I'm hoping things will be good this visit being that it is the holidays, and we didn't get to spend last Christmas together. And of course, I miss my grandma so much!

So anyways, the main reason I am writing is because of this odd occurrence. I was driving home one day from work when I realized I wanted to ask SL if he wanted to be pen pals. I've always looked up to this smart, awesome person and why shouldn't we be pen pals? I haven't heard from John since he left for Utah, and letters back and forth from Kasia and I aren't that often. I need some more pen pals in my life. And since I am fully intrigued by the life of SL, I'd love to correspond through letters. I FB messaged him and was thrilled when his response was OF COURSE I want to be pen pals with you.

The next day I wrote him a decently long letter and mailed it off. The same day I mailed it I went out drinking with Dave. Perhaps I was feeling a little drunk, or maybe I'm just that eager to find some excitement in my life, but regardless SL ended up texting me and I haven't felt that sort of wonderful jump deep down in the pit of my soul in quite some time. He said: "When you write, write me a poem. You studied such things?" I texted him a bit about my past with poetry and informed him I had already sent him a letter, but that I would write him a poem my next letter. Then I asked if he had found a place to stay in Memphis where he had traveled earlier that day from MS. He replied "I am so excited for that letter. And in my excitement I wrote down random musings from my travels and intend to send them to you. Also, I did not find a place and I am sleeping in my car tonight."

Sigh. Do you know how fucking amazingly cute that is!?!? How often I dream about a guy that will want me to write him a poem? A guy who travels all around and sleeps in his car on a whim? Fucking beautiful.

I know, I'm at a weird spot in my life. A crappy spot in my relationship. But this girl is itching to get out. Craving a male who wants the same things in life. And with Dave and my future looking not so good, I can't help but see myself with someone who perhaps I am meant to be with. Not saying the person I am meant to be with is SL, but saying he is a symbol of the man I should have ended up with in life. But because of my insecurities and a deep desire for stability, I chose a man like Dave...truly believing HE was the person I wanted and he represented the life I wanted. Stable. Simple. Trustworthy. I'm just not that girl. I'm living a life that I'm not meant to live and I don't know how much longer I will be here. But it won't be forever.