Insights in Book Four: Ichi-no-Tani 2017

  • Dec. 15, 2017, 11:08 p.m.
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(1) It is… difficult being in a position where there is nothing you can do about something you want. It is interesting. So many people scoff at the idea of fate or chance or luck. My brother, for one. He believes that luck and fate have nothing to do with a person’s station. In other words, my brother believes that… if I worked hard enough, did a good enough job, and was qualified enough… I would have no concerns about IF I got the ACA job… I should just be comfortable in knowing that I got it. Except, of course, this is another instance where our different professions makes a significant difference. He is an artist that owns his own Bio-Tech Graphic Design firm. I… want to be a Prosecutor. If he doesn’t like the program he’s creating or the 3 dimensional model of a leukocyte he’s trying to perfect… then yeah. He can keep re-doing the thing until Deadline. I’m not like that. Even when it ISN’T about trying to get a job. I may have fought the best I could and done the greatest Lawyer job ever… but when it goes to the hands of a Jury… it is out of my control and no amount of extra work or preparation could guarantee an outcome. So… I sit. And try not to think about the job that I may or may not get but is completely out of my control now whether I get it or not. SO…


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(2) I think this is telling about how I subconsciously view/viewed my position at my current Firm. I have always wanted to be the kind of guy that could go up to a Food Vendor of some kind and have that vendor know what I wanted just by recognizing me. Yes, I am the kind of douche that wants to be able to walk into a place and say “The usual.” Anyway, there is an opportunity for that here. Many, in fact. If I had thought to myself “This is my career path. This is where I shall spend the next twenty years, making a name and a career for myself” I could have chosen one of a dozen Eateries for lunch and developed a “The Usual” rapport. I see many many people that have done that at this Food Court place. I didn’t. Despite always wanting to. And… say what you will about it… I think that may be a subconscious thing saying “Dude… this isn’t where you are going to grow gray and retire. This is another place to learn, figure out the law and yourself, and then try to get to where you belong.”
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(3) Thinking about that last GIF (and now with that song stuck in my head for 3 hours), I am reminded of my journey. I remember watching Hercules in High School and uncontrollably choking up and/or crying. This idea of fighting, fighting, going, never stopping, doing whatever it took to find where you belonged… DUDE… that… shot through me like an arrow!! I’d struggled my whole life to try to feel like I belonged somewhere, anywhere. The first time I ever really felt like I belonged somewhere? The very first time after all those years? I was 31 and in Law School. So… it took me 3 decades to feel like I belonged somewhere. So obviously… it is going to take… some time to find The Place Where I Belong career-wise but… fingers, toes, and eyes crossed for this Cedar Rapids thing. It is like… every time Chinese Boss freaks out, demands something from me, yells at me that it isn’t done yet, and then doesn’t respond when I send her the finished draft saying “Is this what you wanted or should I change it?” Every time she is like that (twice today already, and she isn’t even AT THIS OFFICE) I just think… Dude… Cedar Rapids… give me the opportunity to learn what a functioning office is like. C’mon c’mon c’mon.

(4) Political Statement:
I was once a Conservative that believed in the Republican ideals of “A country with morals whose Government does ONLY what the people cannot and does not do what the people WILL not.” I believed in State’s Rights over Federal Rights because the more power you give to Washington DC, the less power We The People have. I believed in that. Part of me still believes in that.
The current GOP is not the Republican Party. I now believe that, at some point in the last 20 years, the Republican Party was completely eviscerated and replaced by these monsters.
The Tax Plan as it is written? The GOP said, “If we don’t pass this, our wealthy contributors won’t back us anymore.” And when you read it? Look at who WINS and who LOSES. This is a plan designed to help the only group of people who have been consistently successful for the last thirty years. And if you think I am exaggerating, remember this. This tax plan is NOT INTENDED to help the millionaires become billionaires. It is NOT INTENDED to help the formerly successful regain their empires. This tax plan ONLY helps the people who are already at the top. The people who have seen profits triple in the last 30 years. The 1 percent of the American population that already controls 40% of the nation’s wealth.
Now lets look at Net Neutrality. Pai has ignored millions of legitimate voices. He cites the 2 million voices that “while not more numerous, were more substantive” except… THOSE HAVE PROVEN TO BE BOTS! Now… are they Bots developed by the FCC in order to dismantle Net Neutrality? Are they Bots developed by the Russians? Are they Bots developed by citizens who genuinely wanted to dismantle net neutrality? That I don’t know. I just know that we have an FCC Chairman and a GOP that said, “We want to do this. Don’t tell us we can’t. Don’t tell us you don’t want it. We want to do this so we’re going to.”
After they elected Donald Trump, I said: No one is ever allowed to tell me that the GOP is the party of the Moral Majority or Family Values ever again.
After the recent policy bullshit, I say: No one is ever allowed to tell me that the GOP is for State’s Rights or responsible government.

THEN… this evening, we hear that the Trump Administration has told the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) that they are not allowed to use 7 words in any official documents, websites, or announcements. The seven words? “vulnerable,” “entitlement,” “diversity,” “transgender,” “fetus,” “evidence-based” and “science-based.”
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention is not allowed to say EVIDENCE-BASED? SCIENCE BASED? FETUS? DIVERSITY? I am… I am just… furious. Furious and confused with this insane fucking administration!

Rhapsody in Purple December 18, 2017

i've never purposely developed a 'usual' at a place. Its always the staff that make it happen. There is a place i go maybe every six months, but the owner always remembers my order. She'll ask if i want the usual or to try something normal, and i usually go with the usual. But its never been about me wanting to have some sort of claim over that place as a place i will go forever

caramelchicken December 27, 2017

Yep, I hope the damage they're currently doing won't be too hard to undo by the next administration...

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