OD-ers. Not the drug kind. in Diary

Hi there. And special hello to all you OD-ers and/or ex OD-ers! I'm really happy so many people have migrated to this site. The way comments work is way better here, don't you think? I certainly do.

Not much has been going on with me, lately. Unfortunately. I did apply for a state job. It's at a law library. Hopefully I'll be given serious consideration. I need a job in the worst way. Not having anything to do is beyond crazymaking. I have not been doing well at all the past year or so. At least I'm off the devil grass. No more smoking that stuff for me. It never did me any favors. I became more irritable, and my appetite got completely out of whack. Anyway, I've been so depressed, bored, and have been making lots of bad choices, probably as a result of feeling the way I have.

Boredom is the worst, I think. Even worse than depression. So I'm going to apply (carefully) to as many jobs as I can until I find someone who wants to give me a chance. I would be a great employee, as I'm done sewing my wild oats. Or is it just plain oats? Meh, whatever. I'm ready to settle down in something, begin a career. I'd like to start dating again, too, once I'm working again. Someday I'd like to meet the girl of my dreams and get married. Being alone for as long as I have has not done me any favors. Loneliness isn't so great.

Maybe I lost my motivation from all the smoking. Or it could have been from being depressed about watching my grandma die, and the declining health of my grandpa. I haven't cried from being sad in a long time. Only from laughing, or if I'm emotionally moved by something. Isn't that weird? It seems weird to me. What am I, afraid of being sad? I wish that I could be more open with my emotions. Not that I want to sit around and cry all day. I just feel like I must be repressing, bottling everything up. Either way, I feel more motivated now than I have in the past three years. I think I'm ready to stop being such a loser (in my eyes) and start living my life. Thanks to Bald Bryan (Bryan Bishop) for his inspiration on the importance of living life while you can.

I guess I'll end the entry here. I'll try to be regular about writing here from now on, as it will quickly become my only outlet for writing in my diary. Here's to friendships, both old and new. Take care.