Big Decision in Random Public Stuffs

It started off as two nights in a nice hotel with a pool and breakfast. We were supposed to go to the military hockey game in honor of my father. We would eat at a decent restaurant that we could hide in, with his khakis and my jeans, a place where no one knew us because people tend to over-stay their welcome when we try to spend what little time we have together.

Then a night out, wherever we wanted.

Back at the hotel, amazing sex, and finally being able to sleep in his arms briefly…until it annoyed me then roll over.

Day two was going to be movie and a dinner, then staying in and just enjoying each other. Lots of sex, of course. Lots of affection.

I have been waiting for this. I have gotten some pay…enough to cover my half of the room and the tickets to the hockey game.

Then he had said his work season was winding down, so he needed to be able to save money and pay child support. We could cut back to one night, food, hockey, breakfast, day out…maybe college or pro football.

Next, it was, ”I am trying to save up what I can. What is the cheapest hotel you can find?

I told him that I wasn’t going any lower than Howard Johnson.

He asked me to look and I did. I found the first hotel we slept in. Its a dump. Seems like a “rent-by-the-hour” place. There is a shitty bar there. He said he would do the hockey game if I got the tickets.

He also asked if HuHot could wait for another time and all he wanted me “to himself, no one else in our room, no one but us.”.

Then he said he was going to be out of darts come January since that is wheh work is scarce.

He had all damn summer to save.

Instead of taking Jon out for McChicken’s twice a week. I dropped down to once a month because Jon was in football so he got on a good exercise schedule. He is also picking up basketball so…his diet has overhauled itself and I have made the changes as well.

I have cut way back on smoking and even dropped down to the cheap rez brand ($2.45 rez brand vs $5.54-$6.30 for my Camel Crushes). All the change I get, I saved up in a coffee can. Then I had Andrew take it to his bank so I would’t get nailed with that insane because that takes more money than people think.

This anniversary meant selling jewelry that I absolutely loved with a couple tears, telling myself it was going to something amazing.

This anniversary meant that we were going to do something other than sit in a bar.

I was going to introduce him to my Mom.

Tonight was the last straw.

He said he wanted the cheapest room, no amenities. No going out. He said he just wants to spend the entire evening in the room with me and no one else.

Then he said,”Oh shit, I forgot a present!”

I am laying here wanting to cry but in all honesty, its not surprising. I am sure I have used up my tear quota.

So I messaged him, “…you keep dropping the anni down, so I scrapped the plans down and canceled the hotel. Sleep well. Night.”

I haven’t heard back.

He had all damn SUMMER to set aside money to make our anniversary amazing, the way we originally planned it.

Now its like he is trying to cut out as much time with me as possible.

I love him. I know he is quite fond of me. But he doesn’t act like he is IN LOVE with me.

I am going to take the money I saved, pay back Wifey for saving my ass.

I am going to go to the hockey game in honor of my father.

Then I am going to get some booze, put my phone on silent, and just cry.

I deserve flowers, hockey, sweaty and amazing sex. I deserve something other than bar food.

I have to make a decision. I HAVE TO MAKE IT BY TUESDAY.