Neighbor dinner in Stuff

After writing an entry a few weeks ago about my neighbor it’s been on my mind to be more friendly to her. I wasn’t doing anything proactive about it. I wasn’t going to bake her cookies and deliver them to her. But I figured if I saw her around I’d give her a big wave and a smile. She’s probably the youngest and least friendly person (of the adults) in our tiny neighborhood and I feel like she’s been alienated because of it.

I should clarify what I mean when I say “tiny neighborhood.” I live on a street that stretches up a small hill. The top of the street ends at a large cemetery and the bottom of the street meets a major road filled with businesses and apartment buildings. There are only six houses on the street, and there are no other side streets. I really feel like we comprise a very small neighborhood and to some extent we all know each other (and each other’s business).

So yesterday after work I’m getting my mail out of my mailbox and I see neighbor wiping down the outside of her new Audi. She just bought it, and it’s funny to me to see how anal she is with her new car, always out there cleaning it off in the evenings. I think cars are something that get dirty and we just have to accept it, but I know some people are all about keeping them clean.

I’ve driven Audis for years and have always been a fan, so I saw this as a conversation starter. It went a kind of like this -

Me - Hey you! How are you liking the new car? You’ve probably noticed I’m a big fan of Audis myself.
Neighbor - (acting like she’s never noticed the car in my driveway, which I think was just a performance to seem like she doesn’t pay attention to me) I really like it! I didn’t know you drove one too, but now I see it over there.
Me - They are good cars.

There’s a moment of awkwardness as I realize my ice breaker didn’t actually lead to a conversation and now I felt like I had nothing to say.

Me - Are you living here all alone right now?
Neighbor - Yeah, it’s a big house for one person, but I guess I’m planning on sticking around for a while.
Me - Who knows? Maybe you’ll have a big family some day.

I immediately felt weird saying that. I don’t know her history. Maybe she had a hysterectomy. Maybe she just hates kids. Or maybe she’s been trying desperately to get pregnant without success. I feel like questioning another person’s lack of children is never appropriate, but that sentence just came out of my mouth without much thought.

Neighbor - I don’t know. I’ve been married and divorced and I don’t think I’ll go down that road again. And I don’t think I’d have children if I wasn’t in a relationship because being a single parent seems really challenging, and unfair to the kids.

I know she hadn’t intentionally said that to be hurtful to me as a single mother, and I was almost relieved that she said something awkward to balance out the awkward thing I said. But I paused a bit before responding -

Me - I didn’t know you’d been married.

Maybe my pause gave her time to think. Because she said -

Neighbor - Shit, I wasn’t trying to be rude about single parents. I know you’re a single mother. I’m really sorry. That was a dumb thing to say.
Me - Honestly, the way you said it seemed like you were just acknowledging that it’s a lot of work for me, and it is. Even with great kids, it’s a lot of work. So don’t worry about it.
Neighbor - You came over all friendly and then I said something insulting to you. I’m sorry. This is why I keep to myself.

Seriously, I thought she was going cry. I gently touched the side of her arm.

Me - Let’s change that. Let’s be better neighbors. You should come over for dinner some night. We share a property line, we should be better friends. I barely ever spoke to your moms when they lived here. I’ve been a lousy neighbor myself.

I saw what looked like a hopeful excitement in her eyes, which I wasn’t expecting.

Neighbor - I’d like that, I think.
Me - You know what? People always say “we should do something someday” and it never happens, and I don’t want this to be like that. How about tomorrow night? I’ll make something. Do you have any special dietary things?

Big smile on her face.

Neighbor - I eat an obsessively healthy diet normally, but I make exceptions when I hang out with friends.

So now she’s coming over for dinner tonight. I’ll hit the grocery store in a few minutes to grab something. I’m hoping it’s a nice night. She actually seems like a good person that I’d like to know.