Bedtimes in Stuff

I’m curious if bedtimes are still a thing for parents of older children. I often hear other parents saying, “My kids don’t have bedtimes,” and this really surprises me. My kids have ALWAYS had bedtimes, and I don’t hesitate to strictly enforce them.

When they were little, I can’t deny that it was a combination of knowing they needed a solid night of rest and the fact that I wanted there to be a definitive point when I knew the children would be in bed and I could finally have time to myself. I know it still wasn’t a sure thing, at least one night per week one of them would have some reason why they couldn’t sleep or needed to be up, but generally they knew when they needed to be in bed and they knew I wouldn’t tolerate it if they weren’t.

As they got older, I felt more confident that bedtime really meant bedtime, I enjoyed this even more. The rule right now for the two in high school is they need to be in their rooms no later than 10:00. They can stay up in their rooms until as late as 11:00, but at that point I expect the lights to be off. There is no TV, phone, or computer in their rooms at night so if they are staying up most of the time it’s to finish homework.

The 10:00 rule continues through high school. I didn’t let Olsen stay up later than that until she finished high school, and that won’t change for Mercer or Harry. Olsen complained as she got older, and I know I’m going to be hearing those same complaints from the other two, but they are up at 6:00 each morning and I know better than they do that at least 7 hours of sleep every night is essential for their growth and health.

I now fight with Olsen because she’s over 18 and I give her a curfew. I’ve tried very hard never to use the phrase “as long as you live in my house you will obey my rules” because (1) I don’t want to sound like my parents, and (2) I don’t want it to just seem like I’m giving her a reason to move out. But, I do feel like it’s a true statement.

And I’m generous with her as far as I’m concerned. My rule, I guess I’ll call it the “after high school rule,” is that if she will be out later than midnight, I need a phone call. And under no circumstances does she stay out past 2:00.

I said I’m strict about it, here’s my punishment, and the kids know very well what happens if they break the bedtime rule: one week of grounding and one week of bedtime being an hour early. It doesn’t happen too often because they know the threat is real.

To be fair, “grounding” in our family just means “no hanging out with friends” and since in a typical week during the school year that doesn’t happen all that often anyway, it’s almost like a non-punishment.

But last night Olsen walked in the door at 1:30, no phone call, and she was clearly drunk. I greeted her and said, “I’m not even going to talk about the drinking right now, but you know what happens when you don’t call.”

Meltdown, tears and screaming. The reaction was probably mostly because she was drunk. So much Olsen drama this week, and it’s mostly because she’s flexing her independent wings. Maybe moving out would be a good thing for her after all.