Reminding Me in 2017

7:06pm

New things to report…hmmm…let’s see:

Well, it’s only been a few days so maybe there isn’t all that much to report today. ha. I just finished my big test about 20 minutes ago. We’ve been at work all afternoon but mostly I was catching up on entries and procrastinating on work. Of course! :)

Our manager guy was supposed to be around the area and I think he wanted to meet but we still haven’t seen him. Not sure what’ll happen there. I’m tired. And I have to watch the finale of SYTYCD tonight. haha. Priorities people!

I’m home now and I definitely don’t think that guy is coming. Too bad we’re out of town tomorrow too. I guess we’ll probably miss him.

I have to get an ultrasound tomorrow. Not for that, silly!! That would be a miracle ;)
I originally thought it was for my kidneys since that’s how the doctor explained it, but from my own research I’ve discovered it’s actually for all the arteries. Renal arteries? Or something like that. It’s not specifically for the kidneys, which makes a lot more sense considering they’re worried about my high blood pressure.

Honestly, I would like for them to find something some where. It doesn’t make sense that everything I have has to be a mystery. I’ve never been able to get any answers to any of my issues and that’s both annoying and disheartening. For once I’d like there to be an answer. Now, of course, I’d like that answer to be treatable but one can only hope. At the very least I’m interested to see the image from the chest x-ray and I’ll be curious to see the ultrasound images as well. I just find all of that stuff fascinating! I’m on a mission to collect all of the x-rays I’ve ever had done and display them somewhere on a wall or something. I think I’m only missing my left arm and…shoot maybe that’s all. haha. I should get on with the collecting!

Back to tomorrow, I have to take these anti-gas tablets [sorry if tmi] tonight and tomorrow morning. It was nearly impossible to find them because the recommendations from them don’t even exist anymore and I had to do a lot of research to figure out an alternative. I’ve never taken anything like that before so I was a little worried at the reaction. hah. But I’m sure everything’s fine. There’s no food after midnight, which is probably the worst part but lucky for me tomorrow’s a very early morning appointment. Except that means I have to wake up at some ungodly hour. ugh. No food and early mornings?! That’s like one of my worst nightmares! =\

Everyone better stay out of my way until I’ve had some coffee! And they better not screw anything up at the appointment because the girl called me 3 times [plus the 1 time I called back and waited on hold for 10 minutes for nothing] to confirm, including once after I’d already spoken to her, gotten instructions again, and confirmed for sure. We’ll see how it goes.

Mom’s decided to go with me and we’re turning it into a whole day. Breakfast after I’m done, then maybe some shopping and she’ll go get her hair done, then we’ll hit margaritas on the beach to end the day. =) Sounds good enough to me!

Other things that sound good: I’m still doing well. Better than I’ve been in months! I’m finally having real, legitimate moments where I’m feeling like myself again. Like I’ll stop in the middle of something throughout my day and I’ll think to myself, “wow, this feels alright. This feels the way I felt last year when I was happy with my life.” And I go on to feel totally satisfied with life and the way it’s going. Seriously. God was clearly listening to my prayers over the last several weeks.

I’ve just been wanting to feel good again and like myself again. There was this time, right before TF and after my brain had finally settled about CK [why is it always about a boy! geez], where I was feeling really content with where I was at. Like I’d finally made it to a place where every thing was good. Sure, I didn’t have every thing I thought I wanted but it didn’t matter. I was happy.

Not that I haven’t been happy since then, don’t get me wrong! I was happy with TF despite all the crazy. There have been a lot of moments since then where I’ve also been happy.
But it’s been months and months since I’ve felt the way I feel now. Content. Happy. Satisfied with where I’m at.

I like this feeling. I enjoy those moments where it all feels so calm inside. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get back there again. Thank God I did. And I so hope it lasts.

I don’t want to sit around and worry about having some guy complete me. I’m complete just the way I am. I really do honestly like being single. The idea of marriage and babies sounds amazing in theory, but I don’t really know if I could do it. I don’t actually know if I could ever let any man get that close to me.

So I want to be good with where I am right now and always. It’s the only way I’ll survive this in the long run.

rose.
10:48pm