I got here on Saturday, and like I was saying, my mom was very sick. Sunday we went to my grandma's and when we got to her street she opened her car door and started throwing up. She ran into my grandma's house and just went into the spare room and went to sleep. I kept asking everyone WHAT is going on with her, and no one seemed to know or justified it as being the flu. The woman has lost 20 pounds since the last time I saw her, this isn't just the flu. Jenn finally told me she thought my mom is extremely unhappy and possibly abusing pills because she has been violently ill the last few times she has seen her and had suspicions my dad was cheating.
Fast forward to Monday night. I went to Brindle's for Sophie's 4th birthday and started asking her if she knew anything. I told her she had to talk to my mom and figure out what was going on. That is when she looked at me and said Natalie, I know what is going on. Then she told me she and my dad have been buying pills from someone Gary knew. Later that night I drove to Gary's because I realized he was the last piece to the puzzle and he'd tell me everything.
Gary is my older cousin who has an extreme addiction to meth and has been struggling for many years. When I saw him he was horribly skinny and noticeably tweaking hard. The family has tried to help him get clean multiple times and nothing has worked for him. It was very sad seeing him in this condition, but I knew I had to get to the bottom of what was going on with my mom. He told me he would tell me everything because if I was telling him she looked very sick and I was extremely concerned, than I needed to know the truth because she needs help.
My mom has been struggling with an addiction to prescription drugs since my grandma, her mother, died 11 years ago. First it was Vicodin, then Soma, and now apparently Norco's.
The things Gary told me made me freak out. My parents apparently have an open relationship (I've known this for awhile, they have led a swingers lifestyle in the past), but as far as I was concerned their relationship has been closed for awhile. Well now Gary is telling me my mom has a boyfriend named Jeff who gives her pills if my dad doesn't, but that both my dad and mom have an addiction to Norco's. I took in the information and had many thoughts running through my mind, mainly what the fuck was I going to do to help them? Gary called their Norco dealer and threatened him and told him to stop selling to my parents and he guaranteed me the guy would never sell to them again, so their connect is now gone.
That night I stayed at Andrea's and I was lying in bed unable to fall asleep going over every possible situation in my head of how I was to confront them on the information I now knew. Finally it just hit me: I had to take my mom back to Boston with me and take care of her.
Finally the sun was rising and I was able to leave and go back to my parents. On the way there I had a panic attack thinking about what I had to do. I got there, told my mom I had to talk to her in private and asked her if she loved me. She said yes. I asked her if she would do anything for me. She said yes. I told her I needed her to go back to Boston with me.
Well after a long, emotional conversation, with both her and my dad we realized the best bet is for her to detox here in Cali because she would have no medical insurance in Mass since she has Kaiser Permanente and that she needed medical attention. I heard my mom and dads side of the story and realized the Jeff doesn't give her pills and the only reason my mom turned to him was because my dad fell in love with some other chick and wants to leave my mom for her but every time he tries to, my mom threatens suicide. We ended up going to see my mom's psychiatrist and revealing the fact that my mom has been abusing Norco's and she was quite shocked and told her she needed to get on suboxone yet again. So Friday morning my mom has an appointment at the chemical dependency center to get back on it and I am just hoping she can kick the habit for good. As for my dad, I hope he realizes he is also addicted. I also found out my mom is prescribed not only an anti-depressant and Ambian, but three different anti-depressants and Ativan. I told her psychiatrist I thought that was a ridiculous amount of shit to be on, but she insisted my mother "needed" to be on these pills. Ugh. I hate pharmaceuticals.
Anyway, the plan now is have my mom sober up here and if she still isn't doing good when her and my dad fly into see me in Boston in October, she promised she would stay there with me and not fly back to California. We had a good long talk and I told her in my perfect world she and my dad would be divorced and with other people because their relationship is too toxic and a trigger for my mom's addiction and depression. She is just a very weak person, and I want her to be stronger and independent and I am hoping she decides to move to Boston, even just for a little while to gain some independence and find her own happiness.
Anyway, this whole trip was just a slap in the face and a huge reminder of why I left in the first place. I can't deal with my parents shit anymore. It is too much for me and I am sick of having to be the parent to them. I also realized how amazing my life in Mass really is and I am extremely lucky to have such a wonderful husband! I miss him so much and cannot wait to go back to my simple life!
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