Last night was Stacey's party/Danver's firework show. She lives right next to the park so every year her and her man throw a big party. Dave was going to come with me, but he ended up just dropping me off because there was literally no parking and the streets were insane! The road to her house was blocked off, so I just walked there from the gas station he dropped me off at, carrying my beeeeer. Stacey's house is SO nice!! Three bedrooms, huge backyard, huge kitchen, awesome area and it is only 1600 a month. That is crazy.
I started drinking right away. I don't know what is going on with me, but lately I just slam back drinks. I was on my third beer and an hour had not even gone by yet. We all walked to the end of the street to get a good view of the firework show. It was so cool! I love Stacey, she is like mamma bear at work and such an awesome person. We walked back to her house and Larry and Caitlin were there. After the confrontation with Caitlin where her and I sorted things out regarding the whole "sleeping around" comment, we've been pretty cool but I still wonder if it is a front or if we are actually okay now. Larry is the head sous chef and he is really hot. He was sitting with his cap on backwards and I realized he reminds me of EDDIE. Only not so fucked up and weird. He ended up leaving shortly after so Caitlin and I had a nice chat about when she lived in Vermont, and about how she is getting her second Master's degree. She has lived a pretty cool life. I found out the other night at Missy's going away gathering at the 466 that Chef is getting fired in 30 days. It freaked me out because he is like the main person and everyone loves him so how would he get fired?? I asked her about it and even she didn't know. I feel like I probably shouldn't have repeated Missy's drunk words, but I wanted to know the truth. I guess it will come out soon.
So now it is a Wednesday morning and I am completely hung over. Just like I was yesterday morning and the morning before that. I am worried that my drinking has gotten out of hand once again. I was even thinking of going back to some AA meetings because that was literally the only thing that helped me when my drinking was spiraling out of control. The thing is, I don't realize it is bad until it is too late. Then I look back and I'm like FUCK dude...I was seriously drinking like crazy that whole time. For me it is "normal" to drink every day and I am a small person, I get drunk easily. Drinking every day means I'm drunk every day because I don't stop after just one drink.
Even Justin was asking me why I always seem to be drinking. I don't even know. And Dave says it is nuts that I always need to be drunk in order to have fun. I just really can't imagine going out and having fun without drinking. If I try to be sober, I will always think in the back of my mind, "Wow it would be so much more fun if I was drinking". I hate it. But at the same time, I always just say fuck it whatever. I do what I want. I want to care, I really do. Maybe I can try harder to cut back, because the last thing I want is to be crazy-drunk Natalie like I was in California. Another thing I need to cut back on is my smoking. It has gotten to a pack every other day and that shit is expensive. 9 bucks a pack!! A reason I know my drinking is getting out of hand is because I wake up and my entire pack of smokes are gone. My lungs and liver need a break!
As for Jon, we haven't seen much of each other since that night. I am glad we are getting this break between us, but at the same time, I hope things don't become awkward between us.
Loading comments...