February 21st, 2012 in "Waiting for my Petrichor"

My parents have always had money problems but this is the first time ever that they have "hit rock bottom" with their finances. I am getting really worried because it is worse than I have ever seen it. And of course I feel horrible that they are spending money they don't have on wedding stuff because they insisted on this elaborate wedding, making me believe they had extra money saved and were doing great and everyone was all well. But now that I am here, I see things are definitely not even close to being "well". The first weird thing was my mom asked me to get groceries for the family so she gave me her debit card. I decided to just take out some cash so we would have a limit to spend in case the groceries went overboard. Well good thing I did that because come to find out they had negative 50 bucks in their account. I thought that was really odd so I rushed back home to tell my parents and my dad was acting really weird and said "Oh we just aren't using that account right now, don't worry about it! Everything is fine!" and had this really weird look on his face like he was trying really hard to prove to me that things were okay, when they obviously weren't. Then he pulls out a hundred dollar bill from his pocket (not even his wallet or anything) and was like "Here is some grocery money" and told me he had hidden money so not to worry about a thing. Well, I know something is seriously up. They are also getting audited by the IRS at the moment so I don't know if they are trying to keep money out of their account, or if my dad is hiding money from my mom or what. And I really just don't want to know. I just want them to be okay. Then tonight we were playing Apples to Apples and cards like "hopeless" and stuff would come out and my parents would joke, "Our bank account!" and things like that and Dave, John, and I would just kind of make the nervous laugh and change the subject. Then my mom was complaining about tooth pain and how she can't afford to have a root canal because she had to spend so much on the wedding. I was like, well we didn't need a fancy big wedding if we knew it was going to literally DRAIN you guys. Then she was complaining she had gray hair popping up and couldn't afford to get a touch up, blah blah. Also, they have been staying home like every night which is REALLY weird because they are always out at the casinos or drinking. I know they are just hiding their problems by gambling and drinking all the time, but it is actually making the problem worse. I just HATE where they have put themselves, and feel helpless because I am in no great financial situation myself. I have creditors calling me non-stop, plus now my school loans are not getting paid off because they were in my parents name. So I am worried that unless I start making some money to pay off those loans, I won't be able to take out new loans for when I start Salem State. I also have some medical bills that need to get paid off, and my car registration. THEN I can finally tackle my actual credit card debt, which I am going to be seeing a professional debt consolidator once I actually get a job and start making money. But, my life is currently on hold until this wedding is over, and we drive across the country, and settle in Massachusetts. So all I can do is TRY not to stress out about all the shit going on and just HOPE everything works out in the end. I hate money, or the lack of it. Sigh.