Well I was going through my other OD diary entries, the one I have had since 2004 and decided it would be kind of fun to see where I was on this day every year since having this diary. Unfortunately, for those of you that remember, a few months of entries were completely erased when someone hacked into OD in the summer of 04 so I couldn’t retrieve that one since they were never restored. It is sad because that was actually the last summer I had with Josh before he died. So I am going to just start with 2005.
2005 Everything is so different. Like when I'm driving down certain streets I'm regularly used to driving down, it feels like a whole new street. I keep thinking of all these old memories I had with certain people and they make me sad wondering what the fuck happened. I try to erase them all from my mind and start clean as though none of that happened but it's impossible. When I start over at Los Osos I won't be graduated until June but I hope I make good friends and stuff. My parents want my curfew to still be at midnight when I turn 18 in December but I won't be seeing that happen. I don't know what the fuck is going to happen the rest of this year but it better start getting better. I feel like redoing my room and starting that off fresh too but I don't have the money for that. I've been worrying alot about money. I want to have a bunch saved up by the time I'm graduated but it is sooo hard to save it for some reason. Gas is so expensive, I'm always needing new things, food, etc. In the end my low 180 dollar paycheck is gone and I'm stuck waiting for the next one. I think it would be cool to live in a little art studio and just paint or write books for a living and meet a bunch of artistic people in some state far from lame ass California. I went to Jose's last night with Andrea and I was sooooooo bored and his annoying little brother would not shut the fuck up. So I just sat on the couch and hoped to fall asleep but that wasn't working. They have the cutest dog though oh man I want one. FINALLY we went home at like 11:15 and I got home to watch T.V and of course my mom was hogging it so I just took a shower then sat online all night. -wow- what a fun ass night. I'm scared I'm gonna make some friends at Los Osos but won't want to drive over to there house all the time since it's kinda far. Oh well I guess it'll be an excuse to get away from La Verne. I hope I meet some artistic/wiccan friends.
2006 So much has been going on with me and Eddie but since this bitch hacks into my journal, I won't write everything that is going on. All I know is as soon as I can talk to people, I'm sueing that bitch for hacking into my private documents. Well I talked to Eddie about our relationship and told him I need him to put more effort into it and he says he doesn't know how he could. I told him I need him to show me he cares about me and not to just show me because I ask but because he wants to and wants to be with me. He says he does want to be with him but his business is his number one prioriety. It sucks being on a "schedule" with him but that's how it has to be he says. I told him I guess I didn't deserve better and he said I did. I told him if that were the case I wouldn't be with him and he looked all sad. I told him he needed to work on our relationship so hopefully he will.......anyways he's giving his time to me tonight afterwork-suprise suprise- so if Kevin can fix things with me and Jarred, we might go to his party but I doubt Jarred will want me there. If not, Eddie's going to come over and play SIMPSONS MONOPOLY!
2007 Tonight was fun though. Eddie me, Steve Amber, and Cristina and Justin all went to Chili's. I don't like the food there though everything seems to have meat in it so I was like "umm can i have a turkey sandwich with avocado and mayo but no turkey" and the lady started laughing. I just didn't want to explain a bun with stuff and everyone thought I was weird lol. After that we played Apple's to Apple's at steve n eddies. Lately Jackie and Josh never hang out with us and hang out with older people and act like they are more mature and stuff it's annoying. Just cuz they are having a baby its like they became old people with "better things to do". I didn't drink much but I felt weird and anxious so I smoked some weed and everything was making me laugh. Eddie made me a bagel with peanut butter on it and I swear it took me like an hour to eat and it was so hard cuz I kept making a mess. Tomorrow he is having his BIG TEST for the backflow thingy. If he passes he is getting a car in 20 days!!!!!! OH and our two year is coming up and he is getting me a promise ring and he said in about a year he's planning on proposing..........frikin weird/scary/exciting but definitely weird. Me....married? hmmmmmmm
2008 The drive was 14 hours long but we finally got to Portland yesterday at 4. I got a few hours of sleep in the car, but most of the time we were all up singing along to 80s music haha. While we were driving we saw this bright light in the air coming towards us. It was hovering over the highway and then zoomed to the right and then made a u turn and went right in front of the van. I looked at it and it seriously looked like a flying saucer. I am convinced it was an alien UFO haha. We also saw a shootstar, a city called Los Banos, and a crazy black dude in front of Denny's talking to himself. We were seriously soo tired when we got to Portland but we all had a power nap before we arrived so we had SOME energy to walk around town lol. They had some farmer's market/art fair thing going on and there were hippys and crusties everywhere! Lots of cute hippy shops, lots of artwork, old fashion buildings, a delicious pizza place and an amazing vegan donut place called voodoo donuts. Of course we ran into some guy trying to sell acid hahah ...weirdo... We didn't stay that long because we were all pretty tired and ready to get to Kaity's. The drive up there, I slept about half of it so that was cool. FINALLY we go to washington and then to kaitys and we watched The Other Borlyn Girl or something like that..it was a good movie but I passed out before it finished lol. I'm just excited to finally get to SEATTLE, stay at Kings Inn and get crunnnk. =] But I think we are going to her aunts house first which will be fun since her house is aweeesommmme! imsure other stuff happened so far but i cant remember rite now haha IM HUNGRY. k bye
2009 Well I can't wait to start my new job this Saturday. It is at a gentlemens club but I don't have to get fully naked because it is actually a bikini bar =] So I bought these bottoms to wear and they are bright red and tie at the sides and then I am just going to wear my bright red bra so hopefully that works. The guy said the girls make ALOT of money so I'm hoping he wasn't just saying that..I realllllly need this to work out because I am so sick of constantly being broke. PLUS I won't be employed with americorps anymore after august so I wont have rent if I don't find something!
Thursday is my dads bday thing and I am nervous because my mom and I are still not talking. Hopefully it won't be that bad. Oh yeah ...it will be the first time they meet Nick too! Friday is my psychiatrist appointment..and HOPEFULLY I get my xanax prescription...
2010 Brad has been driving me nuts lately with his emo-ness. We can't even have a good day together anymore because he seriously acts like a little baby and is constantly complaining and being emo all because I am not in love with him. ughhhhhhhhhhhh ........it's like now I know how Justin felt when I was being so emotional and annoying towards him like "the stickiest piece of duct tape".... And if I mention anything about Justin, which happens a lot being that I am in love with Justin, he just gets even worse. It's like GET OVER IT. I don't love you and never will especially since you act like a whiny little bitch. I just can't wait until I get my restricted license so I won't have to fucking rely on him anymore for rides. I can't take being around him much longer! I know it sounds like I am being a bitch, but the dude is seriously whiny as fuck and I can only take so much. And like any time I try to just joke around and have a good time with him, he is too busy sulking to realize it. We have been wanting to go on vacation forever, but if he is just going to act like this fuck it. I am not going to risk being stuck somewhere for days with him. I need A LOT of distance right now from him and I swear if he says any of his clingy/lovey-dovey shit to me again I am going to snap.
And now...August 4th, 2011. And I can say it is the happiest 08/04 I've had in many years. I am getting married to the best man I've ever met, I have the cutest animals ever Jasper and Buckley, and I live in the most beautiful state I've been to yet.
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