out of mind in 2017

1:31pm

Well, I’m at work and I’ve been very productive [I think] so I’m going to take a break to type words. Why not right?

JR invited me to his stepdaughter’s birthday party tonight. It’s at a local pizza place. He called me yesterday while I was out at tacos. I think I was about 3 margaritas in when he called so was kinda silly/giggly. I was actually grabbing my food so I called back after I sat back down. He asked what I was up to and I go, “what do you think I’m up to? It’s Tuesday!” He laughed and made some jokes about how it’s five o’clock somewhere and how I’m always in the same place. haha. He guessed the wrong restaurant but that’s ok. I skip around a lot. =)

Anyway, he was calling to invite me to the pizza party. They took her to Legoland like a month ago but I guess her birthday is actually today and they wanted to do something with her friends. It was nice of him to invite me but I don’t think I’m going. I told him that I wasn’t sure what time I was going to get out of work. It’s a nice pre-made excuse. We’ll see.

He started telling me who was going and I don’t know. I want to hang out with them. I definitely need more friends and I like his people. But they’ve all got spouses and kids and I’d be walking in there all single lady. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes me feel a little weird. I don’t know them that well and I’m still awkward with mostly strangers. Plus, his mother-in-law scares me and I assume she’s going to be there. I tend to be the crazy adult that prefers the kids over the other adults anyway and that can be strange so I’ll probably avoid.

No word back from TF after my reply last night. I figure he doesn’t really know what to say anyway. But I did have a moment after I logged in earlier [I check all my accounts when I get to the office to get it out of the way] because I didn’t see a new response and mumbled some choice words under my breath. It’s just the thought you know.

Part of me felt like maybe seeing it had been some weird illusion made up by my crazy mind. It’s weird but I actually thought about how maybe he hadn’t said anything and I’d replied to something really old so I might have actually made first contact. ha. So crazy!

Bonus points for my wild imagination, right? =]

A little bit ago I was walking back to my desk and decided to check the caller ID to see who’d called in our absence. I’m curious like that. Well, turns out that TF called this morning. Right before 11am. He didn’t leave a message though and as I kept scrolling I saw another call from him from about 45 minutes earlier. [Is it totally weird that I remember these being the same times he always tends to call. Maybe it’s his break time? I feel weird remembering that…]

Ok dude, did you not wait to listen to the answering machine? It says what time we’re open. Also, he’s been working with us for years and we open at the same hour during the off season but I get that he’s spacey like that. I mentioned to Mom that he called and then made jokes about him being a dummy because come on now. Not sure why he didn’t leave a message? Or why he called 45 minutes later thinking we were going to answer the second time around. He probably didn’t even wait for the answering machine spiel honestly.

I knew this had something to do with work. I know he’s not going to call me at work for personal reasons. You know I’m curious to know what’s going on. I wonder if he’ll try back later today or if he’ll just stop by. He knows I’m at least willing to talk to him so no reason to be afraid of me. hah. Or so he thinks. ;)

Good thing I’m wearing a cute outfit. One that I may or may not have picked out with the possibility of him showing up out of the blue in mind. I’ll never tell. =) We’ll see. I’ll admit to actually being a little bit nervous to answer the phone if he calls back. I don’t know what to say to him. The kid basically broke my heart. I’ve already tried to think of every possible conversation we could have upon first meeting again, because I know it will happen eventually, but the reality is that I don’t know what to say. Just let him talk I guess? I doubt we’ll even broach the subject of anything related to us at all. He’s not the type.

I’ll update for sure after whatever happens. It’s so random to even be talking about this right now. And because I was annoyed at the lack of response email I already went ahead and tucked his email back into it’s nice little folder. Just like I did with all of the Sheriff’s emails about a week ago. I only left one of his in the inbox. The one with the #1 pick for food recommendation. I wanted it easily accessible in case I do decide to make a trip to the Valley. I would for sure eat at about 97% of his recommendations based on menu previews but if I make a quick day trip I’ll probably only have time for one.

Anyway, the emails are out of the main inbox and in their respective little folders and I’m going to move on. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

If only I could find a way to apply this philosophy to my mind. Like why on earth can you not compartmentalize your thoughts and shove away any of the unnecessary ones? There are plenty of thoughts up there that I would prefer to be out of mind. The best I’ve been able to come up with to combat this is to yell “shut up” at my thoughts any time something comes up.

I’ve gotta tell ya though....it’s so not working… =\

It’s hard not to imagine and remember every little thing. Perhaps after hunting season officially ends on the 24th [why do I know this!?] I’ll be able to push the Sheriff thoughts out of my mind. Then of course there are the holidays but dude’s not going to call me to hang out on those days. I just don’t get why he didn’t come back? =( I think I might be really terrible at reading signs? Like somewhere along the way I got really freaken bad at reading people. I don’t know? I used to be so good at it! Guess I totally misjudged what ever the heck that thing was between us. Or something.
Not that I can remember the last time I spent an hour talking to anyone over the phone that wasn’t my brother. Or the last time anyone said they’d kept my voicemails from over a year ago even though we hadn’t spoken. Or the last time a client came back to see me even though they can do the paperwork themselves and live 200+ miles away. But yeah, what the heck do I know, right? Apparently none of that means anything these days.

sigh This year has been so depressing. When do I get to enjoy the upswing?

Maybe I should just suck it up and go out with this client that has terrible grammar and enjoys the use of run-on sentences? That could be fun. It’s not like I have to watch him write anything down while we sit across from each other. He does enjoy the lake and I’ve got a new swimsuit. It could work.

This has taken me just about all day to write. All of my work day at least. There’s about a half hour left although we’re probably staying late tonight if our client shows up. Still nothing from TF so he must not be stopping by, or need anything important. So weird that guy. It was always like that though wasn’t it? I’d get pulled in just to be pushed back out again. At least this time I’m a little more in control of where I end up.

Silver linings right?

rose.
5:40pm