I Don't Know About You, but I Hated 22 in In My World

[Originally from Facebook]
As today comes to a close, I have been thinking about this past year and everything that’s happened.

22 was the absolute worst year of my life so far, by a landslide. So much has happened and even more has changed. I hadn’t been myself in such a long time that I’m still working on figuring out who I am or who I want to be. I was on a birth control that screwed with every aspect of my life from my personality to my memory. I am finally free from that and I am finally feeling like a person again. If you’ve spent time with me this past year and it seems like I’d changed drastically, it wasn’t completely my fault. I said and did some things that were over-the-top bitchy and if you were someone I hurt along the way, I’m sorry. I was in a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I knew what I was doing but I didn’t know how to stop.

22 saw a lot of good times and just as many, if not more, bad times. I celebrated my 3rd year anniversary with the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for (currently looking forward to our 4th! <3). This year saw a lot of emotion and it had some of the best and worst moments of my life. I found my first bottle baby kitten. I graduated college while making an extremely difficult decision. I started a job that I absolutely love every minute of. I saw my sister’s house for the first time and then I got to watch her and my new brother-in-law get married. I got my second tattoo which holds so much meaning and power for me that I read it every day and it reminds me to keep going. I saw one of my best friends publish their first novel. I went to Rhode Island and Michigan for the second time. I finally saw Guardians of the Galaxy and then cried through the second one. Pokemon Sun and moon came out. I tried Sushi King for the first time. I met someone who would become one of my best friends. And the list goes on and on.

Though those are only the better things that happened. I lost a friend over the course of the year. I still haven’t been able to grieve but I think about him and our shenanigans every day. Every day. I survived one of the hardest college semesters I’ve ever experienced (and I’ve been through…8? 9?). I had a lot of hard conversations with professors over whether or not I was going to pass, or if I should keep trying. I did keep trying though, and I conquered. I dealt with some of the worst mood swings I’ve ever dealt with. I had my, usually seasonal, depression follow me throughout the year. My anxiety has been through the roof for the greater part of that. I lost friends. I went to more funerals in 3 months than I had in my whole life. I got into arguments and fights that could have been avoided. I wasn’t myself for a long time. I felt like a prisoner in my own head because I knew that the way I was acting wasn’t me, but I couldn’t stop it. I forgot so much that happened because another wonderful side effect of that birth control is memory loss. I almost lost someone really close to me. There was so much stress and pain and i don’t even know what that I didn’t know what to do or how to ask for help.

I was so hurt for so long and I’m finally starting to heal. I’m finally starting to see who I am again and I’m finally starting to feel like a person again. 22 saw heartbreak, loss, grief, anger, fear, depression, anxiety, confusion, and so much more. It also saw love, happiness, celebration, embarrassment, light and oh so much love. 22 was crazy, stressful, and overall it was just plain awful.

To everyone else tomorrow is just going to be any other Friday, but to me it means 23. I look forward to 23 and all it holds. Like finding myself again, working harder to be who I am and who I want to be, finding where I want to go from here and making up for lost time. To me, tomorrow is a new beginning, a chance to heal, a chance for a new beginning, and a chance for some much needed celebration.

If you read this far, thank you. I know that this was super long-winded but I just didn’t feel right closing this chapter of my life without saying something about it. There was more that I wanted to say and more that I could have said but I’ll sum it up in short: Fuck you, 22. Bring on 23! Bring on this new adventure and new light in the wake of an awful year..

[I’m also hoping to start writing more on here, it’s just that I haven’t been using my laptop much so typing longer entries is super hard.]