8:33pm
Well, it’s Friday night. Almost the middle of August! The days are going by way faster than usual, or so it seems. I don’t like that. Does anyone? There’s just so much left to do.
I think maybe a part of it is because I have so much going on right now. I don’t even know why, but basically every day has an event or a place to be. It’s not usually like that for me. I try to get through each thing one at a time, so as not to get overwhelmed or anxious, and that probably makes it all go faster. Like wake up, do scheduled thing, get through it, go to bed, wake up and repeat. It’s all scheduled and planned out. There’s always something so I’m just going through the motions trying to take care of each one. Not sure I’m enjoying living like that, but that’s kind of how life is for most people isn’t it? My usual schedule’s so far from that that it feels weird to be go-go-going all the time.
It isn’t even really anything particularly important. It’s just stuff that’s getting done. Like Tuesday we had the doc, Weds was work, Thurs was starting the paint job and a dinner, today was paint. We’re painting the entire exterior of the house. Did I mention this? We’ve been trying to decide on colors for several weeks now and after a handful of samples we finally picked them out and got the paint last weekend. We’d planned on starting Monday but then some other stuff came up. Coincidentally we got up that morning to find a bunch of guys power washing our next door neighbor’s house. It was crazy because that was the exact same day we were planning to start power washing our own house. There was all kinds of speculation on what color they were going to paint and what not. We were worried it would be the same color, but turns out they have yet to paint. Maybe they were just washing?
Anyway, we didn’t start that day so yesterday was our first free day. Mom power washed the entire house and then I started sanding the front trim where it had begun to peel. Not sure what kind of cheap paint they sold us last time but certain parts [I’m guessing where the sun hits most] started to fade and crack. That’s the reason we’re painting, besides the fact that it’s time and the house needs it. You’ve gotta stay on top of that stuff. The color’s actually not that far off from the current one, but I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s different than everyone else’s and I’m a fan. :)
Today I ended up finishing the sanding of the front trim while Mom started painting the main part. We’ll work on it some more tomorrow since the sun came out by 10:30 today and it got hot. That’s no good for paint. Hopefully I can start the trim work though because it feels like it’ll be the never ending project. There’s so much. I’m thinking it’ll take me several weeks just to get through the front. hah. Hope not!
There’s other stuff going on tomorrow that I probably won’t attend. Then we’re busy Sunday-Weds again so we won’t be able to continue until Thursday. So yeah, hopefully I can get through a good chunk tomorrow.
In unsurprising news: still nothing from the Sheriff. I don’t even know if he’s going to come into town. Nothing was set in stone, but it seemed like a relatively solid plan. Like he’d thought it out well enough to have some dates in his mind. I don’t know. I don’t have anything else to go on other than what we talked about that day on the phone.
Either way, I’m not free until Thurs/Fri and those days are scheduled for more painting. Saturday I’ve tentatively planned to hang with Y and her husband. It’s basically set but we need to decide on a time for me to head out there. It’ll probably involve eating and drinking and exploring. I’m excited to spend some time with them. They’re basically my only friends out here so I should definitely foster that relationship. Plus they’re fun and they seem excited to hang out. I should take advantage of that.
My point is that if he does come this week he’s probably not going to stay for more than a week. I’m just guessing here but with his work that makes the most sense.
[Yes, I know I shouldn’t do all this “guessing” but let me work out the thoughts okay? Thanks! It’s better than letting them roll around in my head forever.]
Since I’m still optimistically hopeful [but kinda fading] I’d be willing to rearrange some things if he wanted to get together. I’m not going to miss out on the opportunity if it’s there, but I wonder how he’ll possibly get in touch? He only has my office number so he’d have to leave me a message there or call on Wednesday. Either that or send me an e-mail. I’m getting the impression that he’s not big on e-mail though. I’m not sure he’d try to set a plan without a phone call. It’s been about two weeks since I’ve heard anything and that was just the quick “I’m good” response so I don’t know. I don’t want to say it’s not coming at all, but yeah…
I was thinking about all this yesterday and I realized that I don’t actually like, or let myself, get excited about things. I think I’ve always had this feeling that if I get excited I’m going to jinx it and it won’t happen. That’s always been in the back of my mind. But I was thinking it over and it’s pretty stupid! As if I have that kind of control over the world?! Please. I’m not that good!
I guess it just comes from living the kind of life I’ve had. You get your hopes up too high and you get crushed. It’s not fun to hurt. We all know that. But I kinda hate that I’m so screwed up that I can’t even get excited about things in life. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like this whole Sheriff thing - I can’t let myself get excited about any of it because I’m so suspicious and cynical. Sometimes I say that it’s all because I’m a realist, but I don’t know anymore. Maybe I’m just messed up.
I’ll go ahead and go on living life and whatever happens happens. It’s not like I’ve ever had any control over any of it anyway. No matter how hard I try, it always does its own thing. I don’t get to dictate any of the outcomes.
Other things I don’t get to dictate: I went to the doc the other day right? Well semi-long story short, she ended up putting me back on blood pressure meds. I ended up getting stuck in traffic on my way there and barely made it with 7 minutes to spare. The girl that checked me in looked pretty horrified by my BP numbers although I didn’t see what it was. I was all worked up though and she was talking to me about my socks while she was taking it. [She saw my crab/lobster socks and asked about them and then pointed out her own cat socks haha] She took the pressure a 2nd time and said it was better but still high. I heard her mentioning it to the doc while I waited in the room. Then the doc came in and ended up saying that she wasn’t going to let me leave without a prescription for meds. hmm…ok. Do whatever you want.
I’ve pretty much always been told I have high blood pressure. I probably should have been on meds since I was a little kid if they’re going by their readings in the office. I don’t know how much I believe it. It’s such an uncontrolled environment. I shouldn’t really risk something like that though, huh?
Last time I had the terrible nightmares/death fixation, then the cough, then my pressure started dropping so much that I was feeling faint and couldn’t even bend over without wanting to pass out. I’m hoping it’ll be better this time around. It’s a different drug, basically a water pill, because she said that tends to help with women my age and all the hormones and stuff. I started them Wednesday and we’ll see how it goes. So far so good. No side effects knock on wood and no real differences noticed. It’s not like I felt symptoms anyway.
The only thing I have noticed is that there have been a few moments over the last couple of days where I’m sitting around not doing much and I suddenly think, “Hmm…it’s quiet inside.” As in, it feels quiet in my chest. I wondered about that last time too. Like maybe I’ve lived with high blood pressure for so long that what feels like “quiet” is actually just normal. I don’t know? I’m keeping an eye on things and paying attention to any differences. You never know how it’ll affect you so it’s good to watch it all.
I go back in a month and she’ll check all my numbers and we’ll go from there. Updates to follow.
Hunting season opens tomorrow. I mentioned to JR the other day how fb had notified me it had been 2 years since we went hunting. He’s not even sure if he’s going this year. I wish I had more redneck friends. I said that to him the other day too because I want to hunt, and fish, and explore the wilderness and I’ve got no one to go with me!
Some day perhaps I’ll find those friends.
rose.
10:51pm
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