just say something in 2017

10:19pm

I want to type tonight, but I’m not sure I’m in the best headspace right now. Not sure why. I mean, I’m kinda sure why and it’s just a part of life. I don’t want to get into any of it right now. There’s just a strong desire to type and say things. I could wait for tomorrow, but my mother always says, “why leave for tomorrow what you can do today?” Or something like that. ;)

I’ve only had two drinks tonight [ok technically three as of a few minutes ago and a beer a long time ago] and I’m feeling a little tipsy. Perhaps drinking less means that my tolerance is going down? I don’t know how I feel about that. I like that I have a high tolerance! I like that I can drink more than most people I know. Maybe I shouldn’t like that though? It’s not very lady like and it’s probably not the best reputation to have. hmm…oh well. Not much I can do about that.

Here’s some quick things that I’m not going to elaborate much on:

1) My elbow is really acting up. Like just holding a pot of water or lifting the laptop with my right arm is killin’ me. I don’t get it. I’ve had this bum elbow for a long time. I can’t remember it ever feeling quite like this, which scares me a little. I’m trying not to think about it too much.

2) I have my first doctors appointment in like two years tomorrow. I should probably mention the elbow thing, at least for my own peace of mind. Maybe. Last time she sent me for x-rays that came back fine. I’d hope for the same kinda thing again but I’m worried that it won’t always be like that. Mysterious illnesses can be like that.

3) There’s still no word from the Sheriff. I’m not exactly surprised. I know I keep saying that. The thing was that he was going to come into town next week-ish. I’m waiting sitting down, but I’m still optimistically hopeful.

4) My mom’s “birthday” is coming up so I might be unavailable the first few days of next week. If the Sheriff does happen to reach out to me, it doesn’t seem like I have that much availability. Like maybe two days next week? He better hurry up if he’s interested at all.

5) I’m talking about other guys but stuff is still coming up about TF in my mind. It could just be my emotional state right now so I won’t say much about it. This time last year we were just getting started on our mutual flirting thing so I know that a lot of entries are going to start coming up as reminders. It’s so hard to believe that was an entire year ago. It feels a lot like yesterday, but so much has changed. Even in just the last two months. It feels better, but some days it still feels like salt being poured into my wounds. Today it feels like salt.

6) I should get more sleep. I always need more sleep.

rose.
10:42pm